Blame It On Me
One word:
Depressed.
I’m so pissed off right now that anyone who’d mess with me will receive nothing but a stare that would make them hate me. I don’t know what to do and who to talk (except for the Great God). And the only medium I know that could possibly help me is by blogging. Pathetic,
too pathetic. I wouldn’t blame you if you’d think my depression is too shallow for me to act like this. But that’s the only thing that I can do. At least I don’t slit my wrists or hang myself. My mind is still working properly, despite the fact that this pathetic depression is eating me.
See, I’m running errands for my please-be-possible transferring plans to University of the Philippines Diliman. Of course, I need to have all the authorized credentials and certificates that would make it more possible. I’ve been working on it since Monday, and still, I haven’t been given a date to when I would receive this “Transfer Credentials Package.” So what’s keeping it on delay?
Everything. I finished my clearance today (Thursday) and thought that I would finally get hold of that claim slip. Guess I was wrong. Guess I was wrong for thinking this day would be successful. An official from the registrar told me that they still don’t have my form 137, which is the complete list of all subjects and respective grades all throughout the high school years. I was agape when I heard about that, and all the frustration from that building seemed to have possessed me. ‘Cause,
what the hell? It’s the end of the school year, and you’re telling me that you don’t have my F-137 yet?! She told me that they had already sent the request letter to my old school and didn’t receive any response. So I visited my old school and asked them all about it. They said that they didn’t process anything because there’s a certain amount that should be paid for it. Why didn't they inform us? Hello, there are cellphones, telephones, email. Are you not aware of the word "technology?" So I asked them what I need to do, and how many days it will take to release what I needed, badly needed. Guess what?
2 weeks! It felt like the world crashed into me, or if put into a more creative manner, the Greek Atlas had given me the world and the burden to hold it on my shoulders. Okay, maybe that was a bit exaggerated. But it’s like my whole life is on that simple piece of computer paper, that crap computer paper. I checked the calendar and did a little assumption to when I will finish everything. Let’s see… If I’d request for that crap computer paper tomorrow, I’d probably receive it by the 15th (of April). After that, if I’d be able to go to school on that same day, I could get my credentials on the 29th. Okay, just one day left for the last day of application. Not too bad, right? I might as well die.
It’s not that I need the credentials right away. From what I’ve read on the guidelines, credentials such as Good Moral Character certificate and Honorable Dismissal are only needed if a student is accepted and is given chance to enroll. So I don’t really need them yet, because I’m still not so sure if I’d be able to pass the departmental examinations and interviews and make it to the quota. What I badly – very badly – needed is the copy of grades, and I don’t think I’d get a hand on them immediately. Yes, I have the scholastic reports – the small papers that they mail to our parents – but I assume they are also called class cards. Bad news: “Strictly, class cards are not accepted.” So I don’t have a choice but to submit the grades, which are not available yet. What do I need to do? Tell me, guys. Is it really this hard and complicated? I really want to go to UP. I
badly need to pursue this. I don’t care if I’d mess up with my fate. I know God knows what is good for me, and this is what could challenge and develop my abilities. And that’s good, isn’t it?
I need to pray more, and just keep believing. I’ve been writing it on a random piece of paper. You know, words like,
“Believe and it will live” and
“Never say never.” Maybe Justin Bieber’s songs had influenced me a lot lately. But I also scribbled harsh words like:
“I’m going to die,” and
“I’m stupid, depressed, frustrated, poor (in every way), wrecked and wasted (not the other meaning).” Yes, I become very rude to myself when I’m really depressed and have no one to blame. At least I don’t get to hurt anybody, but not if you consider that random piece of paper and my hideous pen anybody.
My mother just got home, and she’s not too happy about it. Not at all. She’s mad, and when I say mad, it includes pointing the entire fault to everybody and shouting until everyone can hear. I can’t blame her. She has all the point, and I don’t have one. So maybe these are my entire fault, and I’m open to paying for all of these in any possible way just to correct and flatten them out. Oh Great God, I need Your help
so bad.
First College Crush
After my unusual post about faith and praying, here I am blogging about infatuations and silly butterflies. I have been mentioning my FCC on a lot of my posts already. And for those who don’t know what or who the hell FCC is, FCC stands for
“First College Crush.” Do I need to elaborate more why it’s First College Crush? I don’t think so. That’s like straight fact gawking at your face.
If you think my life is very interesting and worth the thrill, why thank you! If you think my love life is just as hell as interesting as my life, you may be wrong – well, I think you’re wrong. For all you know, I’m just as hopeless romantic as you are (although some of you won’t admit it). I had my first crush even before I learned how crazy mathematics (the day when our adviser showed us the multiplication table) can be, and I fell in love just before I hit the complicated stage of puberty (don’t tell Mom, okay?). Yes, you can say that my love hormones went nuts very early. I wasn’t even a teenager yet when I met my first love! Does “first love” sound mushy? I think so, too. But I don’t have a choice. It’s really called first love… or first real crush, or first unfathomable attraction, or that first crazy feeling for someone.
While growing up, I fell in love, got my heart broken, got my feelings hurt, and fell out of love. Because of the experiences that I went through regarding my romantic life when I was in high school, I had a self-made contract of not having to do anything romantic with the male species (bitter, bitter). I “signed” the
“No Boys Contract” summer last year, before I entered college. That same summer, I had something going on with my grade school friend. I didn’t think it was mutual, and I hope he didn’t know about the little crush I had for him. It was just a crush, but I tried to erase it out of my system eventually, because just like what my friend said,
“A little crush can go out of hand.”So then I entered college, and what did I get on my first day? Well
tada, a new crush. He was this famous guy that had attained his fame from
Facebook. Maybe he was just friendly and active, so people knew and greeted him – high-fived, waved, smiled, called his name – that first day. Then I found myself staring at him, not because I think he’s cute (which I think he was, by the way), but because he looked surprisingly familiar (later, I’d realize that he looked familiar because I’ve talked to him before online and because he looked just like my old classmate and all the *insert-his-name-here* I knew). I looked away eventually, because it was creepy. I didn’t want to build scary infatuation for him, and I didn’t want to be caught staring at him. That would be very
stalker-ish. So my life went on, got good grades for the semester, saw him on random days, was successful on trying not to grow my crush-feelings for him, and spent my semester break. I didn’t like anybody in school except for him, but it didn’t grow into something else.
Just a little, harmless crush. I guess I even got to the point of not liking him anymore. I reminded myself repeatedly about my “No Boys Contract,” chanted it on my brain all the time.
But have you ever experienced that moment when all of the feelings – both welcomed and unwelcomed – rush back into your system? That one moment when one small thing had happened that messed it all up? Like you were already okay with everything, that you’ve settled and had forgotten, but one moment and then
bam, it had hit you all over again. I was so ready to welcome the New Year with no crushes except for Sam Concepcion – my ultimate knight in shining armor, but he came around. And I went back into basics and had to start all over again. See, I was very much into
Facebook and
Harry Potter during the holidays, and he was, too. So we had something in common, and unbelievable as it may seem, the
Harry Potter madness that we shared gave way to a higher form of friendship. We were just into a Hi-Hello basis, but after all the talks about Bellatrix Lestrange and Dudley Dursley, we got into a
Harry Potter friendship basis. I couldn’t really explain what a
Harry Potter friendship basis was.
So we all welcomed the New Year, and I welcomed the same old feelings. I kept calm, and I didn’t pass out or squeal with delight every time I saw him at school, but the aftermath of my feelings were very obvious. My friends noticed it immediately. Can I deny it? I can’t. Come on! Weren’t blushing and eyes fluttering obvious? Of course they were! And I’m not a good liar, so I really couldn’t deny. I didn’t have a choice but to bear all their teasing and just carried on. Then one morning, we met him and his friends on our way to school. He called someone “Hermione.” I made a face that spelled confusion. I didn’t really understand him. Maybe he was referring to our other friend. It couldn’t have been me, because I wasn’t really like Hermione Granger – not at all very smart and alert, without that bushy brown hair, couldn’t speak English with an accent, and didn’t look like the beautiful Emma Watson (and how ridiculous that I
even made those comparisons in the first place). But we met him again at school and also called someone Hermione, and our other friend wasn’t with us that time. So that meant…
gah, I wasn’t sure!
From
Harry Potter friendship basis, we went on into
Blogger friendship basis. Their course had their first academic week, and they had this Blogging Contest. I was planning to join (not because he was in-charged –
screw that), but I learned that non-seminar attendees couldn’t compete. It was sad, but I think odds were in my favor. They had conducted another seminar, and I was an attendee, so that meant I could join already. Wasn’t I lucky? So I joined, made a new blog, hastily wrote something for my entry, and
tada, I won. Wasn’t I even luckier?
After that week, I met him on the hallway. He tapped my shoulder and told me that my blog was nice and then walked away. I hurriedly ran back into our classroom because I couldn’t hold back my immediate astonishment and,
all right, giddiness anymore. It took me everything not to pass out. It was nice to hear him say that. Then I checked my blog and cursed so much when I saw that he left some words on my tag board. It felt embarrassing to have him on my personal blog. But his words were very nice again, so I didn’t care if he’d think that my blog wasn’t really that cool and would take back all the compliments. We got virtually and technologically closer (although we weren’t
ever close, to begin with) through our own blogs. But we didn’t talk so much in person, only greetings and smiles. I think the longest remarks that he said to me was that he thought I was mean to and hated him (Translation:
“Bakit ang taray mo sakin?”). I was not! I did not! I was just
shy. And guess what I said in return? An
“uhh” with a stupid face –
how smart and creative.
This is the edited version of my First College Crush. I’m not really good with editing, but I hope my amateur skill is enough to conceal his face from your inquisitive eyes and hinder you from recognizing who he is. Don’t even bother going through researches just to identify him (because that’s really too much). And I also hope that he will not have that certain instinct that this is his face and realize that I’m talking about him (although I wager that he’s too modest too even assume).
(c) Photo: Whoever Owns It
For the record,
I wasn’t in love with him. All right, maybe at first I
thought I was. Once, I saw him on the stairs and he was sitting beside my other blockmate. They were just talking, but my system acted idiotically: I blushed and then was, heck, troubled. I didn’t actually know why I felt that way, or maybe I just didn’t want to know why. I already knew that time that he kind of liked that girl because I heard his friends teased him before (I wasn’t eavesdropping; their voices was just so loud). I was kind of…
hurt, but it was nothing, just a little stupid jealousy. That was one of the countless reasons why I made my “No Boys Contract” – because I easily got hurt over insignificant reasons and found it hard to forget and move on. But I had managed to –
I needed to.I wasn’t in love with him, but I also didn’t hate him. Oh no,
not at all. He’s an all-around good guy; smart, hardworking, motivated, an awesome blogger, a big
Harry Potter fan. He was that someone who gave me butterflies, put a smile on my usually austere face, and could make my eyes wide at the sight of him, my heart beat so fast that it almost hurt, my face burn – from my upper chest up to my forehead (and maybe also my scalp). It was just a little – or maybe big or normal or beyond normal or harmless or harmful – crush, and thank goodness, it didn’t go out of hand.
The Greatness of God
Even if you're living under a rock, you would feel and know what has been happening in our world today. Yes, I am talking about the disasters that the countries all over the world are experiencing, not only last week, but also for the past years. People may ask why these unfortunate events happen. One may say that these disasters happen because
God wants us to learn from our mistakes, that He's making these events because we haven't been good sons and daughters to Him. Others may say that we're taking everything that the God has been giving us for granted, that maybe
He's taking everything back, for we don't use them for good purposes. We haven't been doing what He asks us to do --
to take care of what He had given us, to live a life with purpose, to just be the sons and daughters that He wants us to be.
People may blame one another. People may even blame God. People may lose faith and trust in Him. They may hate Him for taking the lives of the people they love, for taking all the things that they had worked for for so many years. But seriously, who should carry all the responsibility for all of these? Try to stand infront of a mirror, then point your finger forward. I guess now you know who.
Mind you, I am not the devoted type of a Catholic. I don't hear masses every Sunday. I don't visit the church every week. I haven't read or even touched the Holy Bible. I don't know the prayers to the rosary. I don't even know how to use the rosary. Mind you again, I am not anti-Christ. I love God. I love Jesus Christ. I love Mama Mary. I am just not into churches and masses and all the paganism. I support the RH Bill, to top it all. But is not visiting the church every Sunday makes me evil, makes me forget about the greatness that the Lord gives? No,
I don't think so. I may not be the all-good daughter of God, I may not know all the songs devoted to Him, I may have the most number of absences in the church's attendance record, but I know God. I am aware of what He can do, which I reckon is
everything.
I’m in a band. I don’t go to church every Sunday. I love punk rock music. Sometimes I use swear words a lot. I respect and admire gay men and women. I’m obsessed with horror films. I know what shame feels like. And guess what old man? Jesus is still my Savior.
-- Hayley Williams, Paramore
I do pray.
I pray a lot. I pray for my family, for my friends, for other people. Just last 2009, I lost my grandmother and my aunt, which for my mother is her mother and sister, which for my cousins are their grandmother and mother. I also blamed God. I also asked Him why He took them. I also was mad at Him for not giving them more time. I was sad for my cousins for losing their mother. I was sad for my other cousins and my brother for losing our grandmother. It was hard for me to accept everything, to believe that they're gone. The last time someone died from our big family was when I was in grade school. So that time it still felt so new to me. But I prayed, and I found peace. I understood. He talked to me, not verbally, but I think you know what I'm saying. I realized that He took them for a reason. He made me feel that I should not be too sad for they are with Him. And I was sure that He'll take good care of our Lola Amay and Tita Cy.
Through praying, my faith and trust in the Lord grew stronger. Through praying, I learned to face my fears and find solutions to my problems. Through praying, I became happy. Through praying, I found peace and tranquility. Through praying,
I found God.
And the things that are happening now, how small or big they are, can be faced. How? Through trust and faith in Him, and yes, through praying. I know, praying seems technically useless -- I asked that once, too. But if you can help people personally, if you know you have the "resources" to help them, then go ahead. You can. But if you think you don't have the capabilities to lend a hand, you can always pray. It's free. It only requires time and devotion.
Praying makes wonders, and faith makes possibilities that are beyond what you can imagine.
They say that everything happens for a reason, and I don't know the reasons behind all of them. In fact, nobody ever knows what they are. Only the Great God knows why these things happen. And the only thing that we can do is to be ready for anything and to have trust and faith in Him. We should not be afraid of what the future might bring, because God is already there. He has plans for us, and we should trust and anticipate these plans. We should not be afraid, for
He is the Great God.
(c) Photos: Tumblr.com
American Idol Season 10
So as you all know,
American Idol season 10 has already started airing and dominating your Wednesday-Thursday / Thursday-Friday nights. And this week will be the start of the competition amongst the top 13. I know I can’t vote, so please America, vote wisely. Vote because of the performance, not because he’s hot or she’s pretty. If I could only vote, I would have voted for Adam Lambert (of Season 8) to victory. Oh yes, I still can’t get over that one. Oh, Alex Lambert, too. Mushy banana, why didn’t you audition again? I miss you.
If you’re living under a rock, you wouldn’t be aware of the phenomena that the new panel of judges brings. I hate to break it to you, but Kara Dioguardi, Ellen DeGeneres, and Simon Cowell were already out of the group. What I heard was Ellen couldn’t take all the drama anymore (which is reasonable for she’s a comedienne); Simon just needed to move on (which I’m not sure of); and Kara? They won’t tell us. Anyway, if you know what’s happening in the
Idol industry, they added two new judges: Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler (of Aerosmith). The new judges, together with Randy Jackson, are to judge the performance of America’s Top 13, and it’s up to America to keep that contestant, or send him/her home. And why am I explaining this all to you? I don’t know, too.
But since I get too absorb with this thing, I of course have my favorites. I only had ten because I didn’t know that they will have thirteen. Also, I made this list even before they had announced the Top 13, so some from my list didn’t make it. Here they are:
From top left: Casey Abrams (larger photo), Robbie Rosen, Scotty McCreery, Tim Halperin, and Jordan Dorsey
From bottom left: Karen Rodriguez, Lauren Alaina, Naima Adedapo, Pia Toscano, and Thia Megia (larger photo)
(c) Photos: americanidol.com
As your good eyes can see, Casey Abrams and Thia Megia took the larger portion of the frame. This is because they are my favorites. I like Casey Abrams because he’s a very talented musician and a funny guy. Once, Ryan Seacrest told him that he made history because he played a large bass in Hollywood week. And he blurted,
“So am I like Neil Armstrong now?” WTF, right? And for his last audition for Top 24, he stated before he performed,
“I just want you all to know that I’m sexy.” I really think he is sexy. Funny and geeky guys are sexy, don’t you think?
I like Thia Megia not only because she’s a Filipino, but also because she really is good. Her voice is unique and husky and mellow and everything! And she’s only fifteen, only fifteen! What’s happening with time – and her hormones? When I was her age, I only sing Paramore songs for our band. I wasn’t talented at all. Oh goodness! Also, because of her, I learned to love
“Chasing Pavements” by Adele. I’m practicing that song, and so far, I’m not giving justice to it.
American Idol Top 13- Scotty McCreery
- Jacob Lusk
- Casey Abrams
- Paul McDonald
- James Durbin
- Stefano Langone
- Lauren Alaina
- Pia Toscano
- Karen Rodriguez
- Thia Megia
- Haley Reinhart
- Ashthon Jones
- Naima Adedapo
I wasn’t too happy about the results, actually. But I also like what happened. You know, it’s a bittersweet feeling. Tim Halperin, Robbie Rosen, and Jordan Dorsey didn’t get in, but Paul McDonald is around, and I think I’m starting to admire his talent and his smile. Oh, that smile! All the girls I like got in, too. I hope my bets will be around for a long time.
So, as what Scotty always sings,
"Baby lock them doors and turn the lights off." Heck.
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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409
Blame It On Me
One word:
Depressed.
I’m so pissed off right now that anyone who’d mess with me will receive nothing but a stare that would make them hate me. I don’t know what to do and who to talk (except for the Great God). And the only medium I know that could possibly help me is by blogging. Pathetic,
too pathetic. I wouldn’t blame you if you’d think my depression is too shallow for me to act like this. But that’s the only thing that I can do. At least I don’t slit my wrists or hang myself. My mind is still working properly, despite the fact that this pathetic depression is eating me.
See, I’m running errands for my please-be-possible transferring plans to University of the Philippines Diliman. Of course, I need to have all the authorized credentials and certificates that would make it more possible. I’ve been working on it since Monday, and still, I haven’t been given a date to when I would receive this “Transfer Credentials Package.” So what’s keeping it on delay?
Everything. I finished my clearance today (Thursday) and thought that I would finally get hold of that claim slip. Guess I was wrong. Guess I was wrong for thinking this day would be successful. An official from the registrar told me that they still don’t have my form 137, which is the complete list of all subjects and respective grades all throughout the high school years. I was agape when I heard about that, and all the frustration from that building seemed to have possessed me. ‘Cause,
what the hell? It’s the end of the school year, and you’re telling me that you don’t have my F-137 yet?! She told me that they had already sent the request letter to my old school and didn’t receive any response. So I visited my old school and asked them all about it. They said that they didn’t process anything because there’s a certain amount that should be paid for it. Why didn't they inform us? Hello, there are cellphones, telephones, email. Are you not aware of the word "technology?" So I asked them what I need to do, and how many days it will take to release what I needed, badly needed. Guess what?
2 weeks! It felt like the world crashed into me, or if put into a more creative manner, the Greek Atlas had given me the world and the burden to hold it on my shoulders. Okay, maybe that was a bit exaggerated. But it’s like my whole life is on that simple piece of computer paper, that crap computer paper. I checked the calendar and did a little assumption to when I will finish everything. Let’s see… If I’d request for that crap computer paper tomorrow, I’d probably receive it by the 15th (of April). After that, if I’d be able to go to school on that same day, I could get my credentials on the 29th. Okay, just one day left for the last day of application. Not too bad, right? I might as well die.
It’s not that I need the credentials right away. From what I’ve read on the guidelines, credentials such as Good Moral Character certificate and Honorable Dismissal are only needed if a student is accepted and is given chance to enroll. So I don’t really need them yet, because I’m still not so sure if I’d be able to pass the departmental examinations and interviews and make it to the quota. What I badly – very badly – needed is the copy of grades, and I don’t think I’d get a hand on them immediately. Yes, I have the scholastic reports – the small papers that they mail to our parents – but I assume they are also called class cards. Bad news: “Strictly, class cards are not accepted.” So I don’t have a choice but to submit the grades, which are not available yet. What do I need to do? Tell me, guys. Is it really this hard and complicated? I really want to go to UP. I
badly need to pursue this. I don’t care if I’d mess up with my fate. I know God knows what is good for me, and this is what could challenge and develop my abilities. And that’s good, isn’t it?
I need to pray more, and just keep believing. I’ve been writing it on a random piece of paper. You know, words like,
“Believe and it will live” and
“Never say never.” Maybe Justin Bieber’s songs had influenced me a lot lately. But I also scribbled harsh words like:
“I’m going to die,” and
“I’m stupid, depressed, frustrated, poor (in every way), wrecked and wasted (not the other meaning).” Yes, I become very rude to myself when I’m really depressed and have no one to blame. At least I don’t get to hurt anybody, but not if you consider that random piece of paper and my hideous pen anybody.
My mother just got home, and she’s not too happy about it. Not at all. She’s mad, and when I say mad, it includes pointing the entire fault to everybody and shouting until everyone can hear. I can’t blame her. She has all the point, and I don’t have one. So maybe these are my entire fault, and I’m open to paying for all of these in any possible way just to correct and flatten them out. Oh Great God, I need Your help
so bad.
First College Crush
After my unusual post about faith and praying, here I am blogging about infatuations and silly butterflies. I have been mentioning my FCC on a lot of my posts already. And for those who don’t know what or who the hell FCC is, FCC stands for
“First College Crush.” Do I need to elaborate more why it’s First College Crush? I don’t think so. That’s like straight fact gawking at your face.
If you think my life is very interesting and worth the thrill, why thank you! If you think my love life is just as hell as interesting as my life, you may be wrong – well, I think you’re wrong. For all you know, I’m just as hopeless romantic as you are (although some of you won’t admit it). I had my first crush even before I learned how crazy mathematics (the day when our adviser showed us the multiplication table) can be, and I fell in love just before I hit the complicated stage of puberty (don’t tell Mom, okay?). Yes, you can say that my love hormones went nuts very early. I wasn’t even a teenager yet when I met my first love! Does “first love” sound mushy? I think so, too. But I don’t have a choice. It’s really called first love… or first real crush, or first unfathomable attraction, or that first crazy feeling for someone.
While growing up, I fell in love, got my heart broken, got my feelings hurt, and fell out of love. Because of the experiences that I went through regarding my romantic life when I was in high school, I had a self-made contract of not having to do anything romantic with the male species (bitter, bitter). I “signed” the
“No Boys Contract” summer last year, before I entered college. That same summer, I had something going on with my grade school friend. I didn’t think it was mutual, and I hope he didn’t know about the little crush I had for him. It was just a crush, but I tried to erase it out of my system eventually, because just like what my friend said,
“A little crush can go out of hand.”So then I entered college, and what did I get on my first day? Well
tada, a new crush. He was this famous guy that had attained his fame from
Facebook. Maybe he was just friendly and active, so people knew and greeted him – high-fived, waved, smiled, called his name – that first day. Then I found myself staring at him, not because I think he’s cute (which I think he was, by the way), but because he looked surprisingly familiar (later, I’d realize that he looked familiar because I’ve talked to him before online and because he looked just like my old classmate and all the *insert-his-name-here* I knew). I looked away eventually, because it was creepy. I didn’t want to build scary infatuation for him, and I didn’t want to be caught staring at him. That would be very
stalker-ish. So my life went on, got good grades for the semester, saw him on random days, was successful on trying not to grow my crush-feelings for him, and spent my semester break. I didn’t like anybody in school except for him, but it didn’t grow into something else.
Just a little, harmless crush. I guess I even got to the point of not liking him anymore. I reminded myself repeatedly about my “No Boys Contract,” chanted it on my brain all the time.
But have you ever experienced that moment when all of the feelings – both welcomed and unwelcomed – rush back into your system? That one moment when one small thing had happened that messed it all up? Like you were already okay with everything, that you’ve settled and had forgotten, but one moment and then
bam, it had hit you all over again. I was so ready to welcome the New Year with no crushes except for Sam Concepcion – my ultimate knight in shining armor, but he came around. And I went back into basics and had to start all over again. See, I was very much into
Facebook and
Harry Potter during the holidays, and he was, too. So we had something in common, and unbelievable as it may seem, the
Harry Potter madness that we shared gave way to a higher form of friendship. We were just into a Hi-Hello basis, but after all the talks about Bellatrix Lestrange and Dudley Dursley, we got into a
Harry Potter friendship basis. I couldn’t really explain what a
Harry Potter friendship basis was.
So we all welcomed the New Year, and I welcomed the same old feelings. I kept calm, and I didn’t pass out or squeal with delight every time I saw him at school, but the aftermath of my feelings were very obvious. My friends noticed it immediately. Can I deny it? I can’t. Come on! Weren’t blushing and eyes fluttering obvious? Of course they were! And I’m not a good liar, so I really couldn’t deny. I didn’t have a choice but to bear all their teasing and just carried on. Then one morning, we met him and his friends on our way to school. He called someone “Hermione.” I made a face that spelled confusion. I didn’t really understand him. Maybe he was referring to our other friend. It couldn’t have been me, because I wasn’t really like Hermione Granger – not at all very smart and alert, without that bushy brown hair, couldn’t speak English with an accent, and didn’t look like the beautiful Emma Watson (and how ridiculous that I
even made those comparisons in the first place). But we met him again at school and also called someone Hermione, and our other friend wasn’t with us that time. So that meant…
gah, I wasn’t sure!
From
Harry Potter friendship basis, we went on into
Blogger friendship basis. Their course had their first academic week, and they had this Blogging Contest. I was planning to join (not because he was in-charged –
screw that), but I learned that non-seminar attendees couldn’t compete. It was sad, but I think odds were in my favor. They had conducted another seminar, and I was an attendee, so that meant I could join already. Wasn’t I lucky? So I joined, made a new blog, hastily wrote something for my entry, and
tada, I won. Wasn’t I even luckier?
After that week, I met him on the hallway. He tapped my shoulder and told me that my blog was nice and then walked away. I hurriedly ran back into our classroom because I couldn’t hold back my immediate astonishment and,
all right, giddiness anymore. It took me everything not to pass out. It was nice to hear him say that. Then I checked my blog and cursed so much when I saw that he left some words on my tag board. It felt embarrassing to have him on my personal blog. But his words were very nice again, so I didn’t care if he’d think that my blog wasn’t really that cool and would take back all the compliments. We got virtually and technologically closer (although we weren’t
ever close, to begin with) through our own blogs. But we didn’t talk so much in person, only greetings and smiles. I think the longest remarks that he said to me was that he thought I was mean to and hated him (Translation:
“Bakit ang taray mo sakin?”). I was not! I did not! I was just
shy. And guess what I said in return? An
“uhh” with a stupid face –
how smart and creative.
This is the edited version of my First College Crush. I’m not really good with editing, but I hope my amateur skill is enough to conceal his face from your inquisitive eyes and hinder you from recognizing who he is. Don’t even bother going through researches just to identify him (because that’s really too much). And I also hope that he will not have that certain instinct that this is his face and realize that I’m talking about him (although I wager that he’s too modest too even assume).
(c) Photo: Whoever Owns It
For the record,
I wasn’t in love with him. All right, maybe at first I
thought I was. Once, I saw him on the stairs and he was sitting beside my other blockmate. They were just talking, but my system acted idiotically: I blushed and then was, heck, troubled. I didn’t actually know why I felt that way, or maybe I just didn’t want to know why. I already knew that time that he kind of liked that girl because I heard his friends teased him before (I wasn’t eavesdropping; their voices was just so loud). I was kind of…
hurt, but it was nothing, just a little stupid jealousy. That was one of the countless reasons why I made my “No Boys Contract” – because I easily got hurt over insignificant reasons and found it hard to forget and move on. But I had managed to –
I needed to.I wasn’t in love with him, but I also didn’t hate him. Oh no,
not at all. He’s an all-around good guy; smart, hardworking, motivated, an awesome blogger, a big
Harry Potter fan. He was that someone who gave me butterflies, put a smile on my usually austere face, and could make my eyes wide at the sight of him, my heart beat so fast that it almost hurt, my face burn – from my upper chest up to my forehead (and maybe also my scalp). It was just a little – or maybe big or normal or beyond normal or harmless or harmful – crush, and thank goodness, it didn’t go out of hand.
The Greatness of God
Even if you're living under a rock, you would feel and know what has been happening in our world today. Yes, I am talking about the disasters that the countries all over the world are experiencing, not only last week, but also for the past years. People may ask why these unfortunate events happen. One may say that these disasters happen because
God wants us to learn from our mistakes, that He's making these events because we haven't been good sons and daughters to Him. Others may say that we're taking everything that the God has been giving us for granted, that maybe
He's taking everything back, for we don't use them for good purposes. We haven't been doing what He asks us to do --
to take care of what He had given us, to live a life with purpose, to just be the sons and daughters that He wants us to be.
People may blame one another. People may even blame God. People may lose faith and trust in Him. They may hate Him for taking the lives of the people they love, for taking all the things that they had worked for for so many years. But seriously, who should carry all the responsibility for all of these? Try to stand infront of a mirror, then point your finger forward. I guess now you know who.
Mind you, I am not the devoted type of a Catholic. I don't hear masses every Sunday. I don't visit the church every week. I haven't read or even touched the Holy Bible. I don't know the prayers to the rosary. I don't even know how to use the rosary. Mind you again, I am not anti-Christ. I love God. I love Jesus Christ. I love Mama Mary. I am just not into churches and masses and all the paganism. I support the RH Bill, to top it all. But is not visiting the church every Sunday makes me evil, makes me forget about the greatness that the Lord gives? No,
I don't think so. I may not be the all-good daughter of God, I may not know all the songs devoted to Him, I may have the most number of absences in the church's attendance record, but I know God. I am aware of what He can do, which I reckon is
everything.
I’m in a band. I don’t go to church every Sunday. I love punk rock music. Sometimes I use swear words a lot. I respect and admire gay men and women. I’m obsessed with horror films. I know what shame feels like. And guess what old man? Jesus is still my Savior.
-- Hayley Williams, Paramore
I do pray.
I pray a lot. I pray for my family, for my friends, for other people. Just last 2009, I lost my grandmother and my aunt, which for my mother is her mother and sister, which for my cousins are their grandmother and mother. I also blamed God. I also asked Him why He took them. I also was mad at Him for not giving them more time. I was sad for my cousins for losing their mother. I was sad for my other cousins and my brother for losing our grandmother. It was hard for me to accept everything, to believe that they're gone. The last time someone died from our big family was when I was in grade school. So that time it still felt so new to me. But I prayed, and I found peace. I understood. He talked to me, not verbally, but I think you know what I'm saying. I realized that He took them for a reason. He made me feel that I should not be too sad for they are with Him. And I was sure that He'll take good care of our Lola Amay and Tita Cy.
Through praying, my faith and trust in the Lord grew stronger. Through praying, I learned to face my fears and find solutions to my problems. Through praying, I became happy. Through praying, I found peace and tranquility. Through praying,
I found God.
And the things that are happening now, how small or big they are, can be faced. How? Through trust and faith in Him, and yes, through praying. I know, praying seems technically useless -- I asked that once, too. But if you can help people personally, if you know you have the "resources" to help them, then go ahead. You can. But if you think you don't have the capabilities to lend a hand, you can always pray. It's free. It only requires time and devotion.
Praying makes wonders, and faith makes possibilities that are beyond what you can imagine.They say that everything happens for a reason, and I don't know the reasons behind all of them. In fact, nobody ever knows what they are. Only the Great God knows why these things happen. And the only thing that we can do is to be ready for anything and to have trust and faith in Him. We should not be afraid of what the future might bring, because God is already there. He has plans for us, and we should trust and anticipate these plans. We should not be afraid, for
He is the Great God.
(c) Photos: Tumblr.com
American Idol Season 10
So as you all know,
American Idol season 10 has already started airing and dominating your Wednesday-Thursday / Thursday-Friday nights. And this week will be the start of the competition amongst the top 13. I know I can’t vote, so please America, vote wisely. Vote because of the performance, not because he’s hot or she’s pretty. If I could only vote, I would have voted for Adam Lambert (of Season 8) to victory. Oh yes, I still can’t get over that one. Oh, Alex Lambert, too. Mushy banana, why didn’t you audition again? I miss you.
If you’re living under a rock, you wouldn’t be aware of the phenomena that the new panel of judges brings. I hate to break it to you, but Kara Dioguardi, Ellen DeGeneres, and Simon Cowell were already out of the group. What I heard was Ellen couldn’t take all the drama anymore (which is reasonable for she’s a comedienne); Simon just needed to move on (which I’m not sure of); and Kara? They won’t tell us. Anyway, if you know what’s happening in the
Idol industry, they added two new judges: Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler (of Aerosmith). The new judges, together with Randy Jackson, are to judge the performance of America’s Top 13, and it’s up to America to keep that contestant, or send him/her home. And why am I explaining this all to you? I don’t know, too.
But since I get too absorb with this thing, I of course have my favorites. I only had ten because I didn’t know that they will have thirteen. Also, I made this list even before they had announced the Top 13, so some from my list didn’t make it. Here they are:
From top left: Casey Abrams (larger photo), Robbie Rosen, Scotty McCreery, Tim Halperin, and Jordan Dorsey
From bottom left: Karen Rodriguez, Lauren Alaina, Naima Adedapo, Pia Toscano, and Thia Megia (larger photo)
(c) Photos: americanidol.com
As your good eyes can see, Casey Abrams and Thia Megia took the larger portion of the frame. This is because they are my favorites. I like Casey Abrams because he’s a very talented musician and a funny guy. Once, Ryan Seacrest told him that he made history because he played a large bass in Hollywood week. And he blurted,
“So am I like Neil Armstrong now?” WTF, right? And for his last audition for Top 24, he stated before he performed,
“I just want you all to know that I’m sexy.” I really think he is sexy. Funny and geeky guys are sexy, don’t you think?
I like Thia Megia not only because she’s a Filipino, but also because she really is good. Her voice is unique and husky and mellow and everything! And she’s only fifteen, only fifteen! What’s happening with time – and her hormones? When I was her age, I only sing Paramore songs for our band. I wasn’t talented at all. Oh goodness! Also, because of her, I learned to love
“Chasing Pavements” by Adele. I’m practicing that song, and so far, I’m not giving justice to it.
American Idol Top 13- Scotty McCreery
- Jacob Lusk
- Casey Abrams
- Paul McDonald
- James Durbin
- Stefano Langone
- Lauren Alaina
- Pia Toscano
- Karen Rodriguez
- Thia Megia
- Haley Reinhart
- Ashthon Jones
- Naima Adedapo
I wasn’t too happy about the results, actually. But I also like what happened. You know, it’s a bittersweet feeling. Tim Halperin, Robbie Rosen, and Jordan Dorsey didn’t get in, but Paul McDonald is around, and I think I’m starting to admire his talent and his smile. Oh, that smile! All the girls I like got in, too. I hope my bets will be around for a long time.
So, as what Scotty always sings,
"Baby lock them doors and turn the lights off." Heck.
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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409
