Adulthood, Music and Summer
I was about to blog about my little adventures as an adult, about those times when I looked for a job wearing a skirt and itchy makeup, that time I butchered my first interview, when I took two exams for a position in a big network, and what I do in between applications. But I have to cancel that because life took a turn and I’m already employed.
I’m very excited.
I started applying to different companies/networks last April 27, 2015. I was offered and accepted the position in one of the companies last May 20. I didn’t realize that it didn’t take me a whole month to be employed, but it felt like
forever. I’m a very impatient person. I will start working for Viva Communications, Inc. this Monday, May 25, as MTV Pinoy (Philippines)’s Channel Assistant. I am so thankful for this.
To be honest I’m quite scared of the responsibilities I will be shouldering as the Channel Assistant. The functions of the said job was explained to me and I must admit it’s pretty vital. I can see pressure from a distant, slowly creeping towards me. I’m scared but at the same time I’m very excited to start. This is a new chapter in my life, and I know I’m not sure if I’m completely ready, but I’m quite adaptable to new environments. I just hope my painfully awkward socialization skills won’t ruin things for me.
Of course my overthinking skills is kind of ruining things for me already. The same week I was hired, I received two invitations from a production house and from the network I took the two exams. The people I confided with told me to still go to the interviews. The problem is I wasn’t and won’t be available on the said invitations because I have commitments already. I’m so
fucking confused. They make me feel like I’m turning down and throwing away an opportunity. But I like the position I accepted in Viva. They are planting seeds of doubt in my mind and it’s driving me insane and I hate it. I hope I will not regret this decision... But if ever I did, I hope I will learn from it.
Back when I was still unemployed and waiting for invitations for an exam/interview from companies, I’ve also gotten into becoming an active, actually-working fandom member. Yes, half of this post is about my love for music. You have been fooled.
Lately I’ve been obsessing over
Years & Years, this London-based electro-soul-pop group that’s making a scene in the music industry lately. I love them so much that sometimes I don’t know what to do with myself. Some nights when I listen to their songs while I lie on my bed, I get really emotional and just squeak with delight and shed some joyful tears and you know, the usual torrent of fangirl emotions. I’ve decided to take another step into adulthood and co-manage a fan account dedicated to Years & Years,
@yearsandyearsph. I am having a blast! Aside from their phenomenal music, Years & Years is a very inspiring group. The lead vocalist,
Olly Alexander, is openly gay and has been inspiring everyone to not be afraid to be who they are. He’s a hero.
Emre Turkmen (synth) is a genius and he looks hot in maroon and he’s my favourite;
Mikey Goldsworthy (bass, synth) is so posh and fabulous you have to shield your eyes if you dare look at his gloriousness;
Dylan Bell (drums) is one of the funniest people ever. The fandom is very supportive and funny and intelligent. Now we not only celebrate the great music they produce (I literally cannot wait for “Communion,” out 07/10!), but also we celebrate the persons they’ve inspired us to become.
This week I’ve decided to amp up my fangirl game, so I made an account for local
Flor fans,
@florsoundsPH. I’m not sure if there are Filipino supporters of this beautiful band hailing from Oregon, but I hope there is or there will be, because I don’t want to do this alone. And lately I’m feeling generous, so I want the poor, little mundanes to see the light and have a taste of eternally beautiful music.
Go and do yourselves a favor and head on to Soundcloud and listen to
Years & Years and
Flor! You can thank me later.
(Dear
The Summer Set, a.k.a. Still My Favourite Band In The World, don’t be jealous. I still love you the best, and I’m still active in the fandom. I’m so excited for the photos from your promo shoot and for the next album! I will try my best to balance my love for all of you, although I must admit it’s pretty exhausting.)
So that’s what I’ve been doing this summer. I know it’s not so majestic but at least I’m practicing my English grammar since the fandoms are international and multiracial. And I get aural sunshine orgasm that I don’t regret. I don’t have plans to go on a vacation because the fucking sun is terrible on my skin and my mood okay.
And I am so fucking excited to be an adult. Wish me luck. (I hope I don’t abandon blogging and social life altogether.)
Over and Done
An open letter to Great Love:
Hi.
It’s official: I don’t love you anymore. You have to congratulate me for this. You have to commend me on finally admitting to myself that I haven’t any slightest bit of romantic feelings left for you. I know it in my heart.
It’s over. The era of you (which spanned for almost five years, bless you) has reached its ending.
I feel so
fucking liberated.
Now I’m sure that I was only in love with the idea of you. All the boys back in school and the ones I interact with paled in comparison to you. Maybe that was why I thought I was in love with you – because I haven’t met someone that encompasses my ideal man, except for you. You were everything I wanted in a guy. You’re an achiever with a bad sense of humour, but that was fine. I was so crazy for you. I led myself into believing this fantasy of us. I came into my senses and realized that it’s stupid. How can I be genuinely in love with you when we don’t even meet?
You are still one of the awesomest people I know, but now I will look at you and remember those moments without that painful feeling of being punched to the heart. I will not yearn for you anymore. I will not spend time in my dark room daydreaming what it would be like to hang out and be silly with you, or to hug you and hold your hand. I will only remember you as the guy I fell stupidly in love with for many years and yet
nada. Nothing happened.
I don’t miss you anymore. This is the truth. It’s weird. Before, back when I still go googly-eyes on you, I got giddy feelings every time you took notice of me [on Facebook or Twitter]. I actually used to
cry with happiness. I treated you like a celebrity. I did subtle things to get your attention. I
revered you. It was asinine and ridiculous. And every time I successfully borrowed a portion of your time, I cherished the moments we talked online and kept them, carefully tucking them away in my own little memory bank. Now I don’t give a fuck about that bank. One of these days it will declare bankruptcy.
A few weeks ago, we had a little catching up and it was great and your humour had improved, but it was nothing. I felt nothing. I didn’t jump up and down or run around wildly. My heart didn’t swell. I didn’t cry. Yes, I might have admitted that I got a bit jealous over someone, but that was bullshit. I’m not even sure why I said that. I don’t care what you do anymore. I don’t care if you flirt with other girls. I don’t care if you let others use the nickname I gave you (how dare you). I don’t love you anymore. I don’t even have a crush on you. You have been demoted, my friend. Here, take your things and settle on your new desk on the corner.
It’s not that you’ve changed. It’s not that I have someone else already (how I wish). It’s me. I’ve changed. I’m an adult now and I should make adult decisions (Mom, I want a popsicle). The butterflies migrated, bye; the fire died and turned to ashes; the affection dwindled like the fucking economy. I realized that I don’t have to be this kind of person for a guy. I don’t have to run blindly in an alley that I believed would lead me to you (and vice versa). I don’t have to do things just to make you notice me, and be disappointed when you didn’t. I don’t have to prove myself to you.
It was a good run, and I fell a lot but I learned. But I’m quitting this halfway, because no, I don’t think the finish line is worth it.
I will still call you Great Love (although not in your face), but that name is empty. There’s nothing behind it. You can keep the label because you earned it (add it to your pile of achievements). Congratulations, here’s your medal for giving my heart a rollercoaster ride.
I don’t hate you. I will not unfriend you either (that’s pathetic). I wish you all the best.
Bye.
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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409
Adulthood, Music and Summer
I was about to blog about my little adventures as an adult, about those times when I looked for a job wearing a skirt and itchy makeup, that time I butchered my first interview, when I took two exams for a position in a big network, and what I do in between applications. But I have to cancel that because life took a turn and I’m already employed.
I’m very excited.
I started applying to different companies/networks last April 27, 2015. I was offered and accepted the position in one of the companies last May 20. I didn’t realize that it didn’t take me a whole month to be employed, but it felt like
forever. I’m a very impatient person. I will start working for Viva Communications, Inc. this Monday, May 25, as MTV Pinoy (Philippines)’s Channel Assistant. I am so thankful for this.
To be honest I’m quite scared of the responsibilities I will be shouldering as the Channel Assistant. The functions of the said job was explained to me and I must admit it’s pretty vital. I can see pressure from a distant, slowly creeping towards me. I’m scared but at the same time I’m very excited to start. This is a new chapter in my life, and I know I’m not sure if I’m completely ready, but I’m quite adaptable to new environments. I just hope my painfully awkward socialization skills won’t ruin things for me.
Of course my overthinking skills is kind of ruining things for me already. The same week I was hired, I received two invitations from a production house and from the network I took the two exams. The people I confided with told me to still go to the interviews. The problem is I wasn’t and won’t be available on the said invitations because I have commitments already. I’m so
fucking confused. They make me feel like I’m turning down and throwing away an opportunity. But I like the position I accepted in Viva. They are planting seeds of doubt in my mind and it’s driving me insane and I hate it. I hope I will not regret this decision... But if ever I did, I hope I will learn from it.
Back when I was still unemployed and waiting for invitations for an exam/interview from companies, I’ve also gotten into becoming an active, actually-working fandom member. Yes, half of this post is about my love for music. You have been fooled.
Lately I’ve been obsessing over
Years & Years, this London-based electro-soul-pop group that’s making a scene in the music industry lately. I love them so much that sometimes I don’t know what to do with myself. Some nights when I listen to their songs while I lie on my bed, I get really emotional and just squeak with delight and shed some joyful tears and you know, the usual torrent of fangirl emotions. I’ve decided to take another step into adulthood and co-manage a fan account dedicated to Years & Years,
@yearsandyearsph. I am having a blast! Aside from their phenomenal music, Years & Years is a very inspiring group. The lead vocalist,
Olly Alexander, is openly gay and has been inspiring everyone to not be afraid to be who they are. He’s a hero.
Emre Turkmen (synth) is a genius and he looks hot in maroon and he’s my favourite;
Mikey Goldsworthy (bass, synth) is so posh and fabulous you have to shield your eyes if you dare look at his gloriousness;
Dylan Bell (drums) is one of the funniest people ever. The fandom is very supportive and funny and intelligent. Now we not only celebrate the great music they produce (I literally cannot wait for “Communion,” out 07/10!), but also we celebrate the persons they’ve inspired us to become.
This week I’ve decided to amp up my fangirl game, so I made an account for local
Flor fans,
@florsoundsPH. I’m not sure if there are Filipino supporters of this beautiful band hailing from Oregon, but I hope there is or there will be, because I don’t want to do this alone. And lately I’m feeling generous, so I want the poor, little mundanes to see the light and have a taste of eternally beautiful music.
Go and do yourselves a favor and head on to Soundcloud and listen to
Years & Years and
Flor! You can thank me later.
(Dear
The Summer Set, a.k.a. Still My Favourite Band In The World, don’t be jealous. I still love you the best, and I’m still active in the fandom. I’m so excited for the photos from your promo shoot and for the next album! I will try my best to balance my love for all of you, although I must admit it’s pretty exhausting.)
So that’s what I’ve been doing this summer. I know it’s not so majestic but at least I’m practicing my English grammar since the fandoms are international and multiracial. And I get aural sunshine orgasm that I don’t regret. I don’t have plans to go on a vacation because the fucking sun is terrible on my skin and my mood okay.
And I am so fucking excited to be an adult. Wish me luck. (I hope I don’t abandon blogging and social life altogether.)
Over and Done
An open letter to Great Love:
Hi.
It’s official: I don’t love you anymore. You have to congratulate me for this. You have to commend me on finally admitting to myself that I haven’t any slightest bit of romantic feelings left for you. I know it in my heart.
It’s over. The era of you (which spanned for almost five years, bless you) has reached its ending.
I feel so
fucking liberated.
Now I’m sure that I was only in love with the idea of you. All the boys back in school and the ones I interact with paled in comparison to you. Maybe that was why I thought I was in love with you – because I haven’t met someone that encompasses my ideal man, except for you. You were everything I wanted in a guy. You’re an achiever with a bad sense of humour, but that was fine. I was so crazy for you. I led myself into believing this fantasy of us. I came into my senses and realized that it’s stupid. How can I be genuinely in love with you when we don’t even meet?
You are still one of the awesomest people I know, but now I will look at you and remember those moments without that painful feeling of being punched to the heart. I will not yearn for you anymore. I will not spend time in my dark room daydreaming what it would be like to hang out and be silly with you, or to hug you and hold your hand. I will only remember you as the guy I fell stupidly in love with for many years and yet
nada. Nothing happened.
I don’t miss you anymore. This is the truth. It’s weird. Before, back when I still go googly-eyes on you, I got giddy feelings every time you took notice of me [on Facebook or Twitter]. I actually used to
cry with happiness. I treated you like a celebrity. I did subtle things to get your attention. I
revered you. It was asinine and ridiculous. And every time I successfully borrowed a portion of your time, I cherished the moments we talked online and kept them, carefully tucking them away in my own little memory bank. Now I don’t give a fuck about that bank. One of these days it will declare bankruptcy.
A few weeks ago, we had a little catching up and it was great and your humour had improved, but it was nothing. I felt nothing. I didn’t jump up and down or run around wildly. My heart didn’t swell. I didn’t cry. Yes, I might have admitted that I got a bit jealous over someone, but that was bullshit. I’m not even sure why I said that. I don’t care what you do anymore. I don’t care if you flirt with other girls. I don’t care if you let others use the nickname I gave you (how dare you). I don’t love you anymore. I don’t even have a crush on you. You have been demoted, my friend. Here, take your things and settle on your new desk on the corner.
It’s not that you’ve changed. It’s not that I have someone else already (how I wish). It’s me. I’ve changed. I’m an adult now and I should make adult decisions (Mom, I want a popsicle). The butterflies migrated, bye; the fire died and turned to ashes; the affection dwindled like the fucking economy. I realized that I don’t have to be this kind of person for a guy. I don’t have to run blindly in an alley that I believed would lead me to you (and vice versa). I don’t have to do things just to make you notice me, and be disappointed when you didn’t. I don’t have to prove myself to you.
It was a good run, and I fell a lot but I learned. But I’m quitting this halfway, because no, I don’t think the finish line is worth it.
I will still call you Great Love (although not in your face), but that name is empty. There’s nothing behind it. You can keep the label because you earned it (add it to your pile of achievements). Congratulations, here’s your medal for giving my heart a rollercoaster ride.
I don’t hate you. I will not unfriend you either (that’s pathetic). I wish you all the best.
Bye.
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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409
Profile
Already several months had passed, and I am missing
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry more and more each fleeting day. There are just some things in life that we can never forget – especially that something that had given us knowledge, skills, strong relationships and a second home. I am glad that everything in the magical world is now at peace, since Voldemort (yes, I can now say his name; no need to be afraid) had died. I had secretly admired Tom Marvolo Riddle (Voldemort’s birth name) though, because of his intelligence, passion and love for magic. Wasn’t he very clever to think of and conjure his seven
Horcruxes to preserve his life, or form a clan of
Death Eaters who were very loyal to him and would give up their lives just for him to succeed? Not everybody can acquire that much loyalty from people these days. I do not, however, admire him for the way he had carried out all of his plans. He had a good agenda, his means just weren’t morally right. But he still is one of the darkest wizards of all time… and let’s leave it that way.
Oh, for all those who are baffled of what I’m saying here and who the heck I am, my name is
Christine Faye Ordas, and I am an alumnus of Hogwarts. I came from the bronze-and-blue-clad house of the smart ass witch Rowena Ravenclaw and her dictum
“Wit beyond measure is a man’s greatest treasure.” And yes, I know the wonderful Luna Lovegood (she’s such a darling) and Harry Potter’s first crush Cho Chang. I had just left Hogwarts last May. Right now I am trying to pursue a career in magical researches, literature and writing. It’s my dream to inscribe intellectual books, publish and sell them in
Flourish and Blotts for the future Hogwarts students’ use. I am also planning to credibly write for the
Daily Prophet, the magical world’s primary news bulletin. And of course, I will be very much honored to contribute to Mr. Xenophilius Lovegood’s
Quibbler (hence, my interest in magical researches). I have always found the Lovegoods a fascinating family, and I bet working with and for them will be very exciting. Or maybe, in Merlin’s beard’s time, I can write legends and bedtime stories like the famous – and wickedly brilliant – Beedle the Bard.
And that’s how my life goes these days. I am utterly missing my old school, my friends, the Great Hall, the bronze eagle knocker just outside the Ravenclaw common room, Professor Flitwick (the head of our house), Hogsmeade, the Quidditch matches (although I didn’t actually play for the house), the moving portraits, the castle ghosts, the pumpkins on Halloween, the giant pine trees on Christmas, Rubeus Hagrid’s (Hogwarts’ gamekeeper) tea and treacle fudge – even the crabby Argus Filch (Hogwarts’ caretaker) I miss. Maybe I can visit the school grounds sometimes and see how the magical world’s been doing since Voldemort died (I’ve been spending my months in the muggle world, you see). I’ve heard everybody’s been moving on and starting all over again; the ministry is back on work under Kingsley Shacklebolt; and Harry Potter’s scar haven’t been disturbing him since.
All is well, indeed.
And because of that, we should celebrate and drink firewhisky! Oh, I still don’t drink firewhisky; I can take butterbeer or tea or pumpkin juice – just not firewhisky, please.
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