October: In A Nutshell
October marks the last few weeks of the first semester… which means it’s Hell Week time! This month was both tiring and fulfilling. It was tiring because, hello, deadlines were following me in every corner; and it was fulfilling in a way because, hello, I
survived!
I can’t say a lot about October (that doesn’t include the words “dead tired”, “shit” and “shittier”) except that, ironically, it’s one of my favorite months BECAUSE BIRTHDAYS OF MY DARLINGS: Sam Concepcion (17th), Colton Dixon (18th), Zac Efron (19th) and my father (24th).
OCTOBER ARCHIVES
For Some Particular Reason, I had one of my many fits wherein I have this nagging desire to explain myself to everyone, even though I’ve been numerously saying that I don’t give a turd about anything that involves clarification. But I did. (And this just shows how painfully inconsistent I am with my choices and decision.) Perfect closing line: “For some particular reason, I really don’t know what I’m doing with my life.”
Two Cents 2.5
Yey,
Two Cents is back! This time it’s just half of the actual ranting-post because it’ll be too long if I include the second subject (which will be about one of my favorite fandoms ever – because they’re back). Anyway, this better half of my
Two Cents is about
Miley Cyrus and her never-ending, bombastic changes with her image. Bottom line: it’s her life, so let her be. Allot your time and energy to more productive things. Comb your hair, for heaven’s sake!
Faith in Troubled Times
Sometimes I can be romantic and post something that actually makes sense: “Faith requires each one of us to believe even if we do not understand and to understand even if it does not fall in our line of reasoning. Faith requires us to believe even if we cannot see it with our mere eyes and encourages us to see it with our hearts. Faith requires us to trust that God knows what He is doing.”
HALLELUIAH CATHARTIC
“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.” ©
BTRP-ISDAW,
Paulo Coelho
LOONY DRAGONSLAYER
I forgot to read again. Dang.
October read:
By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept by Paulo Coelho (Mr. Coelho has this talent to write a novel wherein every line is quotable).
Current Read:
Requiem (by Lauren Oliver)
EARGASM
FAVORITE PERSON ©
Is it okay if my favorite person is actually someone I haven’t met? Because I just cannot
not put Brian Logan Dales in here. Brian is the lead vocalist of one of my favorite bands ever, The Summer Set. Story of TSS and I: I didn’t actually know them until I came across this write up about Take 5 mall tours last June/July 2011. I got interested in seeing Take 5 because of The Ready Set, but to not feel left out, I decided to listen to the other four performing bands. AND HELLO THE SUMMER SET YOU’RE PRETTY AWESOME. Since then I’ve been following their life and progresses as a band, and got pretty much obsessed with Brian. When you look at his photos you’d see a really attractive guy who looks so cocky and proud you’d think he’s such a diva. It wouldn’t cross your mind that he also can be very hilarious. His
tweets don’t match the smirks on his photos! He has the weirdest and most fanboy-ing tweets ever! It’s like everything he posts are worthy of a retweet. And his love for every genre of music and flashy blazer and being “the sassiest motherfucker” and
How I Met Your Mother is – for some weird reason – inspiring. I wish I was friends with him. Ugh.
FAVORITE PHOTO/GIF ©
Introducing: the ever-flawless, OTP-worthy love-hate tandem of Klaus Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes. “Klaroline”, as what their shipment is called, is probably one of the best things that have ever happened to
The Vampire Diaries (except, of course, Stefan’s character roller coaster). Who would’ve thought that the diabolical, selfish and what-I-want-I-get Original Hybrid would fall madly in love with the emotion-ridden, obsessive-compulsive Caroline? They’re so different from each other that they’re already perfect. But you know what the worst thing is? Indefinitely breaking Klaroline off because of
The Originals! The spin-off is great but I NEED KLAROLINE IN MY SYSTEM RIGHT NOW DON’T TOUCH ME.
AND CONFETTI
Confetti #1: I survived first semester without dying. I almost lost faith and gave up – what with all the thesis and shit – but I guess giving up isn’t really an option here. A lot of people are expecting me to be successful, and I know it’s a pain, but I can’t help but do everything to meet this expectation.
Confetti #2: Remember
The Summer Set? A favorite band of mine? Well, they kinda
followed me back on Twitter. It’s not much really. (!!!) I discovered this miracle right before our final presentation for Communications class, and trust me, it took me everything not to go around the room flinging myself to every corner to release my overflowing fangirl feels. It’s so weird because I wasn’t really tweeting them hardcore like “Please follow back! It would make my day. I L0V3 Y0U!” No, I wasn’t. I just mention them every time I have questions, ravings or citations for their songs. So you can say that I was
extremely surprised by this. Ahh, fly to Manila! I want Legendary tour!
Confetti #3: Tree Planting with Rotary D3800. I’ve gone to one tree planting activity before but didn’t actually plant trees, but this time I did. We travelled for a good two hours, and walked and hiked for a few minutes to reach the site, and holy cow it was all worth it. I’ve got some scratches and red, itchy spots from all the plants, but just the view of the mountains unveiled by the fog plus the cold wind that I totally dig made all the stinging figuratively disappear. It was tiring but, you know, sometimes it’s good to be tired.
Next attraction (November 2013): 2nd semester, ILA Week,
Catching Fire and internship! I’ll leave you with some wisdom from
Jamie Campbell Bower (whom I also adore): “People can hate on you for doing what makes you happy, but ultimately it has to belong to you, it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Life is not easy. The road to happiness is not a path well trotted. You have to find your own path to enlightenment.” xx
Faith in Troubled Times
This is some little article I wrote for our Parish paper. (I am part of this thing called Media Ministry and yes, I go to church.) I should have had posted this on my other blog, but hooray I do not want to. (I might actually delete my other two blogs. Sorry.) Anyway, this is too short but I guess feature articles should not be too long, though. Well, I hope this will make it to the printed version.
Faith in Troubled Times
(by Christine Faye S. Ordas, Media Ministry)
Life is a journey. Life is a journey to finding eternal happiness and spiritual contentment. Life is a road each one of us has to travel to find answers and accomplish purposes. But in this journey we face challenges along the way. The road we travel has difficulties that may test our strength, our will and our faith. These difficulties are so
hard that we may even step on the brake, park on the curb and consider giving up – give up the journey because there is not enough gasoline anymore, because the toll fee is too expensive, because the battery has exhausted its last energy. The road is unpaved; the weather is gloomy; there is still a thousand miles to go. One cannot blame oneself for thinking of quitting.
But here’s the catch: we should always remember that in life, giving up is
not an option. If one is really determined to finish the race and find paradise at the end of the line, a paradise where fear and loneliness do not exist, he must be willing to take the risks. Overcoming this risk requires a person to not give up. And to not give up means believing that one can do it, that things are possible with work and faith.
Faith requires each one of us to believe even if we do not understand and to understand even if it does not fall in our line of reasoning. Faith requires us to believe even if we cannot see it with our mere eyes and encourages us to see it with our hearts. Faith requires us to trust that God knows what He is doing. They say that everything – every situation, every phenomenon – has a reason; and the only one who completely knows what these reasons are is God. We do not have to question Him every time our plans fail and we are faced with rejection. We may not always understand God’s wisdom behind every event in our lives, but we have to trust that it is for the best. We are God’s children, and He does not plan things that may give us eternal suffering and bigger troubles. He only gives us trials that He knows will make us stronger and wiser and will strengthen our faith.
Let’s think of it this way: God is like a gasoline station that would fuel us to continue our journey. He is like road map that would help us get to our destination. He is that friendly man that would assure us that we can be found once we’re lost. In troubled times, remember that God is always there – we just have to
believe.
Two Cents 2.5
This is a 2.5 because next week I’d probably post another
Two Cents and that would be 3.0. (I’m the best at explanations, am I not?)
Time and Miley Cyrus
For months, people have been talking about
Miley Cyrus and her so-called “transformation”. First, she got a pixie haircut and made red matte lipstick a staple. Next, she ditched her pink-blouse-denim-jeans ensemble and chose to wear revealing and style-setting outfits. And then she released a music video with the crazy kids dancing like shit and wiping bread on their faces. And then she sang the same song in an awards show and all Tartarus broke loose.
And it was
awesome. Okay, it was kind of surprising and weird at first, but everything surprising and weird is awesome!
To be honest, I didn’t like Miley during her
Hanna Montana days. I was, like, who the heck is this girl? Holy shit Disney, are you seriously keeping this show? Can we just have
Phil of the Future back? Her style was horrendous and her songs didn’t sound like legit songs. And what’s more annoying is that all of my nieces used to sing “we’ve got the be-eeee-eest of both worlds”. Everything was too cheesy and too wholesome. And then
Hanna Montana signed off and –
bam – Miley evolved. Her journey to leaving the Disney identity behind was a bit messy: she got involved in some minor scandals that made mothers shake their heads. But that’s part of growing up. The problem is that people have a hard time realizing that the little children they use to see on TV also grow up. You can’t expect her to still keep that ugly long blonde just to please you or your child. These celebrities are not book characters that stay twelve or fifteen forever. People basically are unreceptive to changes.
In my opinion, I think the things Miley is going through right now are just a few of the circumstances that she still has to experience while growing up. That’s just the start of it. And I don’t get why narrow-minded people despise her now because of what she’s been doing with herself and her body. Let her be! Stop yapping about her lack of clothes like your everyday life depends on it. Stop criticizing her for dancing like a stripper because that’s what she likes to do (and anyway, stripping isn’t necessarily a whore thing; it’s still an art). Stop judging her for coming in “like a wrecking ball” with no clothes on because that’s how she expresses herself. She has a bad ass body and it deserves some showing off. This is what she chose to do and become, and we
don’t have the right to tell her to stop doing so. Do we
starve every time she goes crazy? I don’t think so. It’s not like she determines what happens with our lives. She has her own and we have our own, so why not mind our own business?
I really like Miley now. (I like crazy people.) She became more beautiful and real. She’s not obligated by Disney to be sweet and nice anymore. She’s filthy rich and single and can do whatever she wants, as long as she doesn’t step on somebody’s foot (figuratively). She’s making her scene and, little by little, becoming legendary. If she becomes successful in the end, that’s some good news. If she ruins her life in the process, that’s her problem. But right now, give her some slack.
Buddhism taught us that hating someone or something only means that we are giving that person or thing importance. Channel your energy to something more productive: read a book, water your grass, fix your hair. Stop hating.
FSPR
FSPR – For Some Particular Reason
For some particular reason, I had this desire to write about some self-inflicted phenomena that boggle me. Maybe this is me just trying to explain myself all over again. Maybe this is me being my normal uninspired self again. Maybe this is me being me.
For some particular reason, I get easily annoyed with noise. These shrilly voices and nonstop yapping about nonsensical things just get under my skin. In bad days, if I’m trying to concentrate (which I really suck at) and people are talking really loud, I have this desire to stab them – which leads to…
For some particular reason, I have
mentally killed a thousand people already. I’m really a passive person. If I’m mad, I have a hard time showing it. My face basically is blank and lacks expression, and I can’t just burst out my hatred for someone using my mouth. So to fuse off some heat and clear my mind from negativity, I either write about it or kill the offending person in my mind. Well,
not really kill – maybe a little sadistic act and some beautiful swear words. I know it’s bad – it’s
really bad – and just thinking about violence is already a violence itself, but that’s how I survive every day. If I try to hurt someone physically or even vocalize what I really feel, I’d start crying. Murdering people mentally works better with me.
For some particular reason, I’m having a hard time reading and writing. I’ve come into the conclusion that maybe my being really drained and uninspired is the reason why my brain doesn’t function properly. All these school works and thesis writing kills the free, literature-loving spirit in me. It’s
sad. Sometimes I just need to go out and be somewhere alone just to get my bearings together. I am nobody if I can’t read and write like my life depends on them.
For some particular reason, I haven’t found someone who is easy to work with. In my current school, a lot of my course-mates lack initiative, don’t realize the importance of time management, don’t have a sense of urgency, can’t meet deadlines, don’t know what responsibility is, are insensitive and unreliable, and basically are pain in the ass. I also found this type of people from other institutes. This is why I hate group works. There will always be that one person who will do 51% of the task. Instead of every member carrying the burden, only one (probably the leader) will carry everything and everyone else. Like, seriously? You’re in college, so grow up. I don’t trust anybody, basically.
For some particular reason, I don’t enjoy swimming parties. When I was younger, I always wanted to go out with my friends and visit a resort or something. I wasn’t allowed to stay overnight so our swimming expeditions happened all day long. But thanks to my sensitive skin, I always end up with sunburn. You can say it was traumatic, but the last dip I had was way back in 2009. I was so
burned it was embarrassing. And besides, swimming parties become boring and dreary after the food had run out.
For some particular reason, my stomach hurts every time I think about Great Crush. When I visualize us (which is
always) finally meeting after a year and a half, my chest hurts and my stomach churns. The cliché stuff about “butterflies in stomach” might be true – damn it. This is just my imagination working and yet I’m already nauseated. What if I actually met him? I’d probably pass out.
For some particular reason, I can’t admit that I’m already in love with Great Crush. I don’t know what love is and when to determine one is in love already, so I guess I’m still in the freakin’ dark about this feeling. It’s seriously annoying in all its epic proportions. I’m having all these daydreams and night-dreams about him, and I love them because I miss him, but it’s
hard because IT MAKES ME MISS HIM MORE. And I wanna punch him because he’s so sweet and caring he makes me cry.
For some particular reason, I wanna see
Carrie. I love Chloe Grace Moretz to death and she’s awesome and
Carrie looks crazy and interesting, so I’m planning to see it with a friend. I really hope this would be possible. (When I learned Chloe is just 16, I was, like, “What the hell am I doing with my life?!”)
For some particular reason, I really don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409
October: In A Nutshell
October marks the last few weeks of the first semester… which means it’s Hell Week time! This month was both tiring and fulfilling. It was tiring because, hello, deadlines were following me in every corner; and it was fulfilling in a way because, hello, I
survived!
I can’t say a lot about October (that doesn’t include the words “dead tired”, “shit” and “shittier”) except that, ironically, it’s one of my favorite months BECAUSE BIRTHDAYS OF MY DARLINGS: Sam Concepcion (17th), Colton Dixon (18th), Zac Efron (19th) and my father (24th).
OCTOBER ARCHIVES
For Some Particular Reason, I had one of my many fits wherein I have this nagging desire to explain myself to everyone, even though I’ve been numerously saying that I don’t give a turd about anything that involves clarification. But I did. (And this just shows how painfully inconsistent I am with my choices and decision.) Perfect closing line: “For some particular reason, I really don’t know what I’m doing with my life.”
Two Cents 2.5
Yey,
Two Cents is back! This time it’s just half of the actual ranting-post because it’ll be too long if I include the second subject (which will be about one of my favorite fandoms ever – because they’re back). Anyway, this better half of my
Two Cents is about
Miley Cyrus and her never-ending, bombastic changes with her image. Bottom line: it’s her life, so let her be. Allot your time and energy to more productive things. Comb your hair, for heaven’s sake!
Faith in Troubled Times
Sometimes I can be romantic and post something that actually makes sense: “Faith requires each one of us to believe even if we do not understand and to understand even if it does not fall in our line of reasoning. Faith requires us to believe even if we cannot see it with our mere eyes and encourages us to see it with our hearts. Faith requires us to trust that God knows what He is doing.”
HALLELUIAH CATHARTIC
“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.” ©
BTRP-ISDAW,
Paulo Coelho
LOONY DRAGONSLAYER
I forgot to read again. Dang.
October read:
By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept by Paulo Coelho (Mr. Coelho has this talent to write a novel wherein every line is quotable).
Current Read:
Requiem (by Lauren Oliver)
EARGASM
FAVORITE PERSON ©
Is it okay if my favorite person is actually someone I haven’t met? Because I just cannot
not put Brian Logan Dales in here. Brian is the lead vocalist of one of my favorite bands ever, The Summer Set. Story of TSS and I: I didn’t actually know them until I came across this write up about Take 5 mall tours last June/July 2011. I got interested in seeing Take 5 because of The Ready Set, but to not feel left out, I decided to listen to the other four performing bands. AND HELLO THE SUMMER SET YOU’RE PRETTY AWESOME. Since then I’ve been following their life and progresses as a band, and got pretty much obsessed with Brian. When you look at his photos you’d see a really attractive guy who looks so cocky and proud you’d think he’s such a diva. It wouldn’t cross your mind that he also can be very hilarious. His
tweets don’t match the smirks on his photos! He has the weirdest and most fanboy-ing tweets ever! It’s like everything he posts are worthy of a retweet. And his love for every genre of music and flashy blazer and being “the sassiest motherfucker” and
How I Met Your Mother is – for some weird reason – inspiring. I wish I was friends with him. Ugh.
FAVORITE PHOTO/GIF ©
Introducing: the ever-flawless, OTP-worthy love-hate tandem of Klaus Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes. “Klaroline”, as what their shipment is called, is probably one of the best things that have ever happened to
The Vampire Diaries (except, of course, Stefan’s character roller coaster). Who would’ve thought that the diabolical, selfish and what-I-want-I-get Original Hybrid would fall madly in love with the emotion-ridden, obsessive-compulsive Caroline? They’re so different from each other that they’re already perfect. But you know what the worst thing is? Indefinitely breaking Klaroline off because of
The Originals! The spin-off is great but I NEED KLAROLINE IN MY SYSTEM RIGHT NOW DON’T TOUCH ME.
AND CONFETTI
Confetti #1: I survived first semester without dying. I almost lost faith and gave up – what with all the thesis and shit – but I guess giving up isn’t really an option here. A lot of people are expecting me to be successful, and I know it’s a pain, but I can’t help but do everything to meet this expectation.
Confetti #2: Remember
The Summer Set? A favorite band of mine? Well, they kinda
followed me back on Twitter. It’s not much really. (!!!) I discovered this miracle right before our final presentation for Communications class, and trust me, it took me everything not to go around the room flinging myself to every corner to release my overflowing fangirl feels. It’s so weird because I wasn’t really tweeting them hardcore like “Please follow back! It would make my day. I L0V3 Y0U!” No, I wasn’t. I just mention them every time I have questions, ravings or citations for their songs. So you can say that I was
extremely surprised by this. Ahh, fly to Manila! I want Legendary tour!
Confetti #3: Tree Planting with Rotary D3800. I’ve gone to one tree planting activity before but didn’t actually plant trees, but this time I did. We travelled for a good two hours, and walked and hiked for a few minutes to reach the site, and holy cow it was all worth it. I’ve got some scratches and red, itchy spots from all the plants, but just the view of the mountains unveiled by the fog plus the cold wind that I totally dig made all the stinging figuratively disappear. It was tiring but, you know, sometimes it’s good to be tired.
Next attraction (November 2013): 2nd semester, ILA Week,
Catching Fire and internship! I’ll leave you with some wisdom from
Jamie Campbell Bower (whom I also adore): “People can hate on you for doing what makes you happy, but ultimately it has to belong to you, it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Life is not easy. The road to happiness is not a path well trotted. You have to find your own path to enlightenment.” xx
Faith in Troubled Times
This is some little article I wrote for our Parish paper. (I am part of this thing called Media Ministry and yes, I go to church.) I should have had posted this on my other blog, but hooray I do not want to. (I might actually delete my other two blogs. Sorry.) Anyway, this is too short but I guess feature articles should not be too long, though. Well, I hope this will make it to the printed version.
Faith in Troubled Times
(by Christine Faye S. Ordas, Media Ministry)
Life is a journey. Life is a journey to finding eternal happiness and spiritual contentment. Life is a road each one of us has to travel to find answers and accomplish purposes. But in this journey we face challenges along the way. The road we travel has difficulties that may test our strength, our will and our faith. These difficulties are so
hard that we may even step on the brake, park on the curb and consider giving up – give up the journey because there is not enough gasoline anymore, because the toll fee is too expensive, because the battery has exhausted its last energy. The road is unpaved; the weather is gloomy; there is still a thousand miles to go. One cannot blame oneself for thinking of quitting.
But here’s the catch: we should always remember that in life, giving up is
not an option. If one is really determined to finish the race and find paradise at the end of the line, a paradise where fear and loneliness do not exist, he must be willing to take the risks. Overcoming this risk requires a person to not give up. And to not give up means believing that one can do it, that things are possible with work and faith.
Faith requires each one of us to believe even if we do not understand and to understand even if it does not fall in our line of reasoning. Faith requires us to believe even if we cannot see it with our mere eyes and encourages us to see it with our hearts. Faith requires us to trust that God knows what He is doing. They say that everything – every situation, every phenomenon – has a reason; and the only one who completely knows what these reasons are is God. We do not have to question Him every time our plans fail and we are faced with rejection. We may not always understand God’s wisdom behind every event in our lives, but we have to trust that it is for the best. We are God’s children, and He does not plan things that may give us eternal suffering and bigger troubles. He only gives us trials that He knows will make us stronger and wiser and will strengthen our faith.
Let’s think of it this way: God is like a gasoline station that would fuel us to continue our journey. He is like road map that would help us get to our destination. He is that friendly man that would assure us that we can be found once we’re lost. In troubled times, remember that God is always there – we just have to
believe.
Two Cents 2.5
This is a 2.5 because next week I’d probably post another
Two Cents and that would be 3.0. (I’m the best at explanations, am I not?)
Time and Miley Cyrus
For months, people have been talking about
Miley Cyrus and her so-called “transformation”. First, she got a pixie haircut and made red matte lipstick a staple. Next, she ditched her pink-blouse-denim-jeans ensemble and chose to wear revealing and style-setting outfits. And then she released a music video with the crazy kids dancing like shit and wiping bread on their faces. And then she sang the same song in an awards show and all Tartarus broke loose.
And it was
awesome. Okay, it was kind of surprising and weird at first, but everything surprising and weird is awesome!
To be honest, I didn’t like Miley during her
Hanna Montana days. I was, like, who the heck is this girl? Holy shit Disney, are you seriously keeping this show? Can we just have
Phil of the Future back? Her style was horrendous and her songs didn’t sound like legit songs. And what’s more annoying is that all of my nieces used to sing “we’ve got the be-eeee-eest of both worlds”. Everything was too cheesy and too wholesome. And then
Hanna Montana signed off and –
bam – Miley evolved. Her journey to leaving the Disney identity behind was a bit messy: she got involved in some minor scandals that made mothers shake their heads. But that’s part of growing up. The problem is that people have a hard time realizing that the little children they use to see on TV also grow up. You can’t expect her to still keep that ugly long blonde just to please you or your child. These celebrities are not book characters that stay twelve or fifteen forever. People basically are unreceptive to changes.
In my opinion, I think the things Miley is going through right now are just a few of the circumstances that she still has to experience while growing up. That’s just the start of it. And I don’t get why narrow-minded people despise her now because of what she’s been doing with herself and her body. Let her be! Stop yapping about her lack of clothes like your everyday life depends on it. Stop criticizing her for dancing like a stripper because that’s what she likes to do (and anyway, stripping isn’t necessarily a whore thing; it’s still an art). Stop judging her for coming in “like a wrecking ball” with no clothes on because that’s how she expresses herself. She has a bad ass body and it deserves some showing off. This is what she chose to do and become, and we
don’t have the right to tell her to stop doing so. Do we
starve every time she goes crazy? I don’t think so. It’s not like she determines what happens with our lives. She has her own and we have our own, so why not mind our own business?
I really like Miley now. (I like crazy people.) She became more beautiful and real. She’s not obligated by Disney to be sweet and nice anymore. She’s filthy rich and single and can do whatever she wants, as long as she doesn’t step on somebody’s foot (figuratively). She’s making her scene and, little by little, becoming legendary. If she becomes successful in the end, that’s some good news. If she ruins her life in the process, that’s her problem. But right now, give her some slack.
Buddhism taught us that hating someone or something only means that we are giving that person or thing importance. Channel your energy to something more productive: read a book, water your grass, fix your hair. Stop hating.
FSPR
FSPR – For Some Particular Reason
For some particular reason, I had this desire to write about some self-inflicted phenomena that boggle me. Maybe this is me just trying to explain myself all over again. Maybe this is me being my normal uninspired self again. Maybe this is me being me.
For some particular reason, I get easily annoyed with noise. These shrilly voices and nonstop yapping about nonsensical things just get under my skin. In bad days, if I’m trying to concentrate (which I really suck at) and people are talking really loud, I have this desire to stab them – which leads to…
For some particular reason, I have
mentally killed a thousand people already. I’m really a passive person. If I’m mad, I have a hard time showing it. My face basically is blank and lacks expression, and I can’t just burst out my hatred for someone using my mouth. So to fuse off some heat and clear my mind from negativity, I either write about it or kill the offending person in my mind. Well,
not really kill – maybe a little sadistic act and some beautiful swear words. I know it’s bad – it’s
really bad – and just thinking about violence is already a violence itself, but that’s how I survive every day. If I try to hurt someone physically or even vocalize what I really feel, I’d start crying. Murdering people mentally works better with me.
For some particular reason, I’m having a hard time reading and writing. I’ve come into the conclusion that maybe my being really drained and uninspired is the reason why my brain doesn’t function properly. All these school works and thesis writing kills the free, literature-loving spirit in me. It’s
sad. Sometimes I just need to go out and be somewhere alone just to get my bearings together. I am nobody if I can’t read and write like my life depends on them.
For some particular reason, I haven’t found someone who is easy to work with. In my current school, a lot of my course-mates lack initiative, don’t realize the importance of time management, don’t have a sense of urgency, can’t meet deadlines, don’t know what responsibility is, are insensitive and unreliable, and basically are pain in the ass. I also found this type of people from other institutes. This is why I hate group works. There will always be that one person who will do 51% of the task. Instead of every member carrying the burden, only one (probably the leader) will carry everything and everyone else. Like, seriously? You’re in college, so grow up. I don’t trust anybody, basically.
For some particular reason, I don’t enjoy swimming parties. When I was younger, I always wanted to go out with my friends and visit a resort or something. I wasn’t allowed to stay overnight so our swimming expeditions happened all day long. But thanks to my sensitive skin, I always end up with sunburn. You can say it was traumatic, but the last dip I had was way back in 2009. I was so
burned it was embarrassing. And besides, swimming parties become boring and dreary after the food had run out.
For some particular reason, my stomach hurts every time I think about Great Crush. When I visualize us (which is
always) finally meeting after a year and a half, my chest hurts and my stomach churns. The cliché stuff about “butterflies in stomach” might be true – damn it. This is just my imagination working and yet I’m already nauseated. What if I actually met him? I’d probably pass out.
For some particular reason, I can’t admit that I’m already in love with Great Crush. I don’t know what love is and when to determine one is in love already, so I guess I’m still in the freakin’ dark about this feeling. It’s seriously annoying in all its epic proportions. I’m having all these daydreams and night-dreams about him, and I love them because I miss him, but it’s
hard because IT MAKES ME MISS HIM MORE. And I wanna punch him because he’s so sweet and caring he makes me cry.
For some particular reason, I wanna see
Carrie. I love Chloe Grace Moretz to death and she’s awesome and
Carrie looks crazy and interesting, so I’m planning to see it with a friend. I really hope this would be possible. (When I learned Chloe is just 16, I was, like, “What the hell am I doing with my life?!”)
For some particular reason, I really don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409
