FSPR
FSPR – For Some Particular Reason
For some particular reason, I had this desire to write about some self-inflicted phenomena that boggle me. Maybe this is me just trying to explain myself all over again. Maybe this is me being my normal uninspired self again. Maybe this is me being me.
For some particular reason, I get easily annoyed with noise. These shrilly voices and nonstop yapping about nonsensical things just get under my skin. In bad days, if I’m trying to concentrate (which I really suck at) and people are talking really loud, I have this desire to stab them – which leads to…
For some particular reason, I have
mentally killed a thousand people already. I’m really a passive person. If I’m mad, I have a hard time showing it. My face basically is blank and lacks expression, and I can’t just burst out my hatred for someone using my mouth. So to fuse off some heat and clear my mind from negativity, I either write about it or kill the offending person in my mind. Well,
not really kill – maybe a little sadistic act and some beautiful swear words. I know it’s bad – it’s
really bad – and just thinking about violence is already a violence itself, but that’s how I survive every day. If I try to hurt someone physically or even vocalize what I really feel, I’d start crying. Murdering people mentally works better with me.
For some particular reason, I’m having a hard time reading and writing. I’ve come into the conclusion that maybe my being really drained and uninspired is the reason why my brain doesn’t function properly. All these school works and thesis writing kills the free, literature-loving spirit in me. It’s
sad. Sometimes I just need to go out and be somewhere alone just to get my bearings together. I am nobody if I can’t read and write like my life depends on them.
For some particular reason, I haven’t found someone who is easy to work with. In my current school, a lot of my course-mates lack initiative, don’t realize the importance of time management, don’t have a sense of urgency, can’t meet deadlines, don’t know what responsibility is, are insensitive and unreliable, and basically are pain in the ass. I also found this type of people from other institutes. This is why I hate group works. There will always be that one person who will do 51% of the task. Instead of every member carrying the burden, only one (probably the leader) will carry everything and everyone else. Like, seriously? You’re in college, so grow up. I don’t trust anybody, basically.
For some particular reason, I don’t enjoy swimming parties. When I was younger, I always wanted to go out with my friends and visit a resort or something. I wasn’t allowed to stay overnight so our swimming expeditions happened all day long. But thanks to my sensitive skin, I always end up with sunburn. You can say it was traumatic, but the last dip I had was way back in 2009. I was so
burned it was embarrassing. And besides, swimming parties become boring and dreary after the food had run out.
For some particular reason, my stomach hurts every time I think about Great Crush. When I visualize us (which is
always) finally meeting after a year and a half, my chest hurts and my stomach churns. The cliché stuff about “butterflies in stomach” might be true – damn it. This is just my imagination working and yet I’m already nauseated. What if I actually met him? I’d probably pass out.
For some particular reason, I can’t admit that I’m already in love with Great Crush. I don’t know what love is and when to determine one is in love already, so I guess I’m still in the freakin’ dark about this feeling. It’s seriously annoying in all its epic proportions. I’m having all these daydreams and night-dreams about him, and I love them because I miss him, but it’s
hard because IT MAKES ME MISS HIM MORE. And I wanna punch him because he’s so sweet and caring he makes me cry.
For some particular reason, I wanna see
Carrie. I love Chloe Grace Moretz to death and she’s awesome and
Carrie looks crazy and interesting, so I’m planning to see it with a friend. I really hope this would be possible. (When I learned Chloe is just 16, I was, like, “What the hell am I doing with my life?!”)
For some particular reason, I really don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409
FSPR
FSPR – For Some Particular Reason
For some particular reason, I had this desire to write about some self-inflicted phenomena that boggle me. Maybe this is me just trying to explain myself all over again. Maybe this is me being my normal uninspired self again. Maybe this is me being me.
For some particular reason, I get easily annoyed with noise. These shrilly voices and nonstop yapping about nonsensical things just get under my skin. In bad days, if I’m trying to concentrate (which I really suck at) and people are talking really loud, I have this desire to stab them – which leads to…
For some particular reason, I have
mentally killed a thousand people already. I’m really a passive person. If I’m mad, I have a hard time showing it. My face basically is blank and lacks expression, and I can’t just burst out my hatred for someone using my mouth. So to fuse off some heat and clear my mind from negativity, I either write about it or kill the offending person in my mind. Well,
not really kill – maybe a little sadistic act and some beautiful swear words. I know it’s bad – it’s
really bad – and just thinking about violence is already a violence itself, but that’s how I survive every day. If I try to hurt someone physically or even vocalize what I really feel, I’d start crying. Murdering people mentally works better with me.
For some particular reason, I’m having a hard time reading and writing. I’ve come into the conclusion that maybe my being really drained and uninspired is the reason why my brain doesn’t function properly. All these school works and thesis writing kills the free, literature-loving spirit in me. It’s
sad. Sometimes I just need to go out and be somewhere alone just to get my bearings together. I am nobody if I can’t read and write like my life depends on them.
For some particular reason, I haven’t found someone who is easy to work with. In my current school, a lot of my course-mates lack initiative, don’t realize the importance of time management, don’t have a sense of urgency, can’t meet deadlines, don’t know what responsibility is, are insensitive and unreliable, and basically are pain in the ass. I also found this type of people from other institutes. This is why I hate group works. There will always be that one person who will do 51% of the task. Instead of every member carrying the burden, only one (probably the leader) will carry everything and everyone else. Like, seriously? You’re in college, so grow up. I don’t trust anybody, basically.
For some particular reason, I don’t enjoy swimming parties. When I was younger, I always wanted to go out with my friends and visit a resort or something. I wasn’t allowed to stay overnight so our swimming expeditions happened all day long. But thanks to my sensitive skin, I always end up with sunburn. You can say it was traumatic, but the last dip I had was way back in 2009. I was so
burned it was embarrassing. And besides, swimming parties become boring and dreary after the food had run out.
For some particular reason, my stomach hurts every time I think about Great Crush. When I visualize us (which is
always) finally meeting after a year and a half, my chest hurts and my stomach churns. The cliché stuff about “butterflies in stomach” might be true – damn it. This is just my imagination working and yet I’m already nauseated. What if I actually met him? I’d probably pass out.
For some particular reason, I can’t admit that I’m already in love with Great Crush. I don’t know what love is and when to determine one is in love already, so I guess I’m still in the freakin’ dark about this feeling. It’s seriously annoying in all its epic proportions. I’m having all these daydreams and night-dreams about him, and I love them because I miss him, but it’s
hard because IT MAKES ME MISS HIM MORE. And I wanna punch him because he’s so sweet and caring he makes me cry.
For some particular reason, I wanna see
Carrie. I love Chloe Grace Moretz to death and she’s awesome and
Carrie looks crazy and interesting, so I’m planning to see it with a friend. I really hope this would be possible. (When I learned Chloe is just 16, I was, like, “What the hell am I doing with my life?!”)
For some particular reason, I really don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409
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Already several months had passed, and I am missing
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry more and more each fleeting day. There are just some things in life that we can never forget – especially that something that had given us knowledge, skills, strong relationships and a second home. I am glad that everything in the magical world is now at peace, since Voldemort (yes, I can now say his name; no need to be afraid) had died. I had secretly admired Tom Marvolo Riddle (Voldemort’s birth name) though, because of his intelligence, passion and love for magic. Wasn’t he very clever to think of and conjure his seven
Horcruxes to preserve his life, or form a clan of
Death Eaters who were very loyal to him and would give up their lives just for him to succeed? Not everybody can acquire that much loyalty from people these days. I do not, however, admire him for the way he had carried out all of his plans. He had a good agenda, his means just weren’t morally right. But he still is one of the darkest wizards of all time… and let’s leave it that way.
Oh, for all those who are baffled of what I’m saying here and who the heck I am, my name is
Christine Faye Ordas, and I am an alumnus of Hogwarts. I came from the bronze-and-blue-clad house of the smart ass witch Rowena Ravenclaw and her dictum
“Wit beyond measure is a man’s greatest treasure.” And yes, I know the wonderful Luna Lovegood (she’s such a darling) and Harry Potter’s first crush Cho Chang. I had just left Hogwarts last May. Right now I am trying to pursue a career in magical researches, literature and writing. It’s my dream to inscribe intellectual books, publish and sell them in
Flourish and Blotts for the future Hogwarts students’ use. I am also planning to credibly write for the
Daily Prophet, the magical world’s primary news bulletin. And of course, I will be very much honored to contribute to Mr. Xenophilius Lovegood’s
Quibbler (hence, my interest in magical researches). I have always found the Lovegoods a fascinating family, and I bet working with and for them will be very exciting. Or maybe, in Merlin’s beard’s time, I can write legends and bedtime stories like the famous – and wickedly brilliant – Beedle the Bard.
And that’s how my life goes these days. I am utterly missing my old school, my friends, the Great Hall, the bronze eagle knocker just outside the Ravenclaw common room, Professor Flitwick (the head of our house), Hogsmeade, the Quidditch matches (although I didn’t actually play for the house), the moving portraits, the castle ghosts, the pumpkins on Halloween, the giant pine trees on Christmas, Rubeus Hagrid’s (Hogwarts’ gamekeeper) tea and treacle fudge – even the crabby Argus Filch (Hogwarts’ caretaker) I miss. Maybe I can visit the school grounds sometimes and see how the magical world’s been doing since Voldemort died (I’ve been spending my months in the muggle world, you see). I’ve heard everybody’s been moving on and starting all over again; the ministry is back on work under Kingsley Shacklebolt; and Harry Potter’s scar haven’t been disturbing him since.
All is well, indeed.
And because of that, we should celebrate and drink firewhisky! Oh, I still don’t drink firewhisky; I can take butterbeer or tea or pumpkin juice – just not firewhisky, please.
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