Boys VS Hormones
Sunday, May 23, 2010 @ 5:48 PM | 0 comment(s)

Something’s bothering me right now. It’s about boys, the male species. Oh damn it. I already told myself not to be too intimate with someone while I’m still studying. I’m responsible now! But I think my hormones were too stubborn and had excluded summer in my “No Boys Yet” contract. They do have a point, but I don’t want anything to do with boys. Really. Anything romantic is such a bad idea. I hate being too much gaga over someone or being in love. I learned from my past. It is hard to forget and move on once it’s over. Yada, yada.


I am talking about an old friend here. Not old by age, but by the span of years that we’ve known each other. Anyway, back in grade school, I used to really like him, but thought he was too blinded by his love for his girlfriend that he won’t notice anyone. He is not that handsome or so, but he has a strong appeal. And he’s funny. I learned to overcome with the feelings and just treated him as a friend. The two of us as an item was impossible. Then I met First Love, and there was nobody in our school that could ever be compared to him.

After four years, old friend and I had met again. There were no intimate and romantic feelings anymore; there were no sparks. But I really missed him, as much as I missed my friends. So everything was normal and casual. We didn’t talk to each other much. I told you before that I am having a hard time conversing with people. Nothing extraordinary, until I got back in Manila and started sending SMS like hell.

Fortunately, I have his number, and we exchanged messages longer than anyone else. There’s just too much catching up to do. While we blab and rant about teenage angst, he said something that made my jaw dropped, made my heart pound fast and jammed my mind like crazy little hormones. Then everything from the past came rushing down and had brought back the feeling again. I hate it. So much. I don’t want to have these unusual feelings for him. I don’t want to be involved too much, but we couldn’t stop talking about things. He has a very unpredictable and complicated personality, and it made me curious to death. I don’t text him because of what he had said, but because I find him interesting and different. All his emo stuffs made my mind working until the wee hours of the morning. He’s good to confide with, and he trusted me with his secrets and problems. With him, I could practice my psychological powers. He said that he’s grateful for all the advices that I gave him and the contagious energy from me that he had felt. It’s overwhelming when you realize that you can influence somebody in some ways. I learned from him and he learned from me. But the fondness was too much.


To set things clear, I don’t want to fall for this old friend. I’m dead serious. I like him in a way, but all we could share is friendship. Anything beyond that is wrong. I’d rather have him as a friend, than someone romantically involved. Because once everything go berserk, it’ll be hard to build something strong between us again. And, I am not a fan of summer love or summer flings. That’s stupidly stupid, for heaven’s sake. We were friends, we are still friends, and we will only be friends. That’s it.

Lesson: Too much of anything, even sending SMS, is bad for someone’s health.

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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409