Thirty Days
Saturday, July 24, 2010 @ 4:23 PM | 0 comment(s)

It’s odd to think that it took me centuries to realize how college differs from high school. People always tell us before that college will be harder, crazier and way different from our easy breezy high school days. I didn’t believe them... but I do now.

It’s been a month since I first stepped on what they call “the harder, crazier and way different educational stage.” It’s been a month since I first felt awkward, out of place, ignorant, nerd and jologs (not that I don’t feel that way anymore). My first thirty days were exhausting, especially PE classes. The assignments and the professors’ ways of teaching (without much elaboration and explaining, without using Manila papers and cartolina, with the constant PowerPoint presentations) made me feel like my mind and my bones were extracted and pushed to their extent. In simpler words, I was always tired and drained. So college is harder indeed.

College is crazier – that’s an underestimation. Let’s put it this way: College will drive you mad. Hard school works plus different community is equals to asylum. The eccentricity and random personalities of my schoolmates is crazy, crazy, crazy! And oh, in just a month, I already have my first college crush. *A moment’s silence please... Flat line.* So okay, my no-boys contract was totally neglected. But hey, it’s just a crush; nothing serious. And I’m positive that he likes someone I know... Patch up this broken heart. Geez. I had once denied that I like him, that I only think he’s friendly and smart, and he has nice eyes and smile – just that. But one time, when I saw him smiling, with our eyes on each other, I got stupidly distracted... and that’s when I knew that those horribly familiar butterflies were fluttering back to my stomach again. I hate it when a guy smiles like that and would easily make a girl swoon and get all crazily infatuated – that stuff only happen in movies and novels. But I’m still sticking with the agreement between my heart and my mind; no breach of contract!

Even with my new reason for blushing (my crush for that instance), there are still some times that I feel sad, depressed, frustrated and different. I know, college is way different. Like, you don’t need to stand when reciting anymore, you can just walk away if you think the classes are dull, you don’t need to accomplish complete and tidy notes for extra points anymore, the others won’t care if you got an A+ on your last quiz or if you saw your celebrity crush in person yesterday. It’s not like high school, where you could achieve instant fame if you top a test or when you broke up with your boyfriend because he forgot to call you last night. Not that I want fame or attention, it’s just that it feels awkward and odd and all. I feel afraid and worried of not having someone I could celebrate with when we had successfully survived prelims, someone who is serious but still have the child in his/herself, someone who is transparent and real. Maybe I’m still looking for that someone... maybe I still don’t know my schoolmates that much. It’ll take time, but I’m willing to wait.

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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409