Fall Into Me
Sunday, December 05, 2010 @ 3:55 PM | 0 comment(s)

Dear Guy,


I hate you. I hate how your eyes seem to spellbind me. I hate how your smile makes me utter words that are regretful and that shouldn’t be said. I hate that I always think of you, think of us. I hate that you’re always the main subject of my daydreams. I hate how I easily get jealous every time I see you with other girls. I hate myself for always checking your Facebook wall and your tweets just to know what you’re up to. I hate the fact that it’s the only thing I can do. I hate that I don’t get to see you frequently – and I hate how I get tongue-tied whenever I see you, of all moments! I hate how envious and green-eyed I become when I see how happy your friends are when they’re with you. I hate the impossibility that I can be one of them. I hate that I get hopeless every time it happens. I hate the truth that the only way we can be together is through my dreams – and I hate that I have to wake up from those illusions. I hate that my dreams are merely dreams. I hate the truth that they will just be figment of my imagination, never reality. I hate that you can easily make me smile when I’m down. I hate that I find your shallow antics ridiculous, your face mesmerizing. I hate how your simplicity fascinates me. I hate the reality that there’s no way you’ll ever know about this, about what I feel. I hate myself for feeling this way. I hate myself for still hoping. I hate that you exist. I hate you, really.


But I love you. I love how your eyes seem to spellbind me. I love how your smile makes me utter words that are regretful and that shouldn’t be said, because these words make me remember the moment everyday, because these words make those instances unforgettable. I love that I always think of you, think of us. I love that you’re always the main subject of my daydreams. I like how I get easily jealous every time I see you with other girls, because it makes me want to like you more. I like how I always check your Facebook wall and your tweets just to know what you’re up to. I hate the fact that it’s the only thing I can do, but I like doing so, because I’m taking small steps to get to know you more. I kinda like that I don’t get to see you frequently, because they say absence makes the heart grow fonder – and I find it funny how I get tongue-tied whenever I see you, because you amaze me a lot! I like how envious and green-eyed I become when I see how happy your friends are when they’re with you, because it makes me want to try harder to be one of them. I hate that I get hopeless every time it happens, but you give me hope and that makes hopelessness inconsequential. I love how we can be together through my dreams – and I know that I have to wake up from those dreams, because waking up means there's another hope to hold on to. I love that my dreams are merely dreams, because I believe that we can be more than my fantasies. I am hoping that they will be not just figment of my imagination but also reality. I love that you can easily make me smile when I’m down. I love that I find your shallow antics ridiculous, your face mesmerizing. I adore your simplicity – it fascinates me. I am hoping that you’ll know about this, about what I feel, in the right time. I love myself for feeling this way. I love myself for still hoping. I am happy that you exist. I love you, really.


Always,
Girl (c)

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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409