Blame It On Me
One word:
Depressed.
I’m so pissed off right now that anyone who’d mess with me will receive nothing but a stare that would make them hate me. I don’t know what to do and who to talk (except for the Great God). And the only medium I know that could possibly help me is by blogging. Pathetic,
too pathetic. I wouldn’t blame you if you’d think my depression is too shallow for me to act like this. But that’s the only thing that I can do. At least I don’t slit my wrists or hang myself. My mind is still working properly, despite the fact that this pathetic depression is eating me.
See, I’m running errands for my please-be-possible transferring plans to University of the Philippines Diliman. Of course, I need to have all the authorized credentials and certificates that would make it more possible. I’ve been working on it since Monday, and still, I haven’t been given a date to when I would receive this “Transfer Credentials Package.” So what’s keeping it on delay?
Everything. I finished my clearance today (Thursday) and thought that I would finally get hold of that claim slip. Guess I was wrong. Guess I was wrong for thinking this day would be successful. An official from the registrar told me that they still don’t have my form 137, which is the complete list of all subjects and respective grades all throughout the high school years. I was agape when I heard about that, and all the frustration from that building seemed to have possessed me. ‘Cause,
what the hell? It’s the end of the school year, and you’re telling me that you don’t have my F-137 yet?! She told me that they had already sent the request letter to my old school and didn’t receive any response. So I visited my old school and asked them all about it. They said that they didn’t process anything because there’s a certain amount that should be paid for it. Why didn't they inform us? Hello, there are cellphones, telephones, email. Are you not aware of the word "technology?" So I asked them what I need to do, and how many days it will take to release what I needed, badly needed. Guess what?
2 weeks! It felt like the world crashed into me, or if put into a more creative manner, the Greek Atlas had given me the world and the burden to hold it on my shoulders. Okay, maybe that was a bit exaggerated. But it’s like my whole life is on that simple piece of computer paper, that crap computer paper. I checked the calendar and did a little assumption to when I will finish everything. Let’s see… If I’d request for that crap computer paper tomorrow, I’d probably receive it by the 15th (of April). After that, if I’d be able to go to school on that same day, I could get my credentials on the 29th. Okay, just one day left for the last day of application. Not too bad, right? I might as well die.
It’s not that I need the credentials right away. From what I’ve read on the guidelines, credentials such as Good Moral Character certificate and Honorable Dismissal are only needed if a student is accepted and is given chance to enroll. So I don’t really need them yet, because I’m still not so sure if I’d be able to pass the departmental examinations and interviews and make it to the quota. What I badly – very badly – needed is the copy of grades, and I don’t think I’d get a hand on them immediately. Yes, I have the scholastic reports – the small papers that they mail to our parents – but I assume they are also called class cards. Bad news: “Strictly, class cards are not accepted.” So I don’t have a choice but to submit the grades, which are not available yet. What do I need to do? Tell me, guys. Is it really this hard and complicated? I really want to go to UP. I
badly need to pursue this. I don’t care if I’d mess up with my fate. I know God knows what is good for me, and this is what could challenge and develop my abilities. And that’s good, isn’t it?
I need to pray more, and just keep believing. I’ve been writing it on a random piece of paper. You know, words like,
“Believe and it will live” and
“Never say never.” Maybe Justin Bieber’s songs had influenced me a lot lately. But I also scribbled harsh words like:
“I’m going to die,” and
“I’m stupid, depressed, frustrated, poor (in every way), wrecked and wasted (not the other meaning).” Yes, I become very rude to myself when I’m really depressed and have no one to blame. At least I don’t get to hurt anybody, but not if you consider that random piece of paper and my hideous pen anybody.
My mother just got home, and she’s not too happy about it. Not at all. She’s mad, and when I say mad, it includes pointing the entire fault to everybody and shouting until everyone can hear. I can’t blame her. She has all the point, and I don’t have one. So maybe these are my entire fault, and I’m open to paying for all of these in any possible way just to correct and flatten them out. Oh Great God, I need Your help
so bad.
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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409
Blame It On Me
One word:
Depressed.
I’m so pissed off right now that anyone who’d mess with me will receive nothing but a stare that would make them hate me. I don’t know what to do and who to talk (except for the Great God). And the only medium I know that could possibly help me is by blogging. Pathetic,
too pathetic. I wouldn’t blame you if you’d think my depression is too shallow for me to act like this. But that’s the only thing that I can do. At least I don’t slit my wrists or hang myself. My mind is still working properly, despite the fact that this pathetic depression is eating me.
See, I’m running errands for my please-be-possible transferring plans to University of the Philippines Diliman. Of course, I need to have all the authorized credentials and certificates that would make it more possible. I’ve been working on it since Monday, and still, I haven’t been given a date to when I would receive this “Transfer Credentials Package.” So what’s keeping it on delay?
Everything. I finished my clearance today (Thursday) and thought that I would finally get hold of that claim slip. Guess I was wrong. Guess I was wrong for thinking this day would be successful. An official from the registrar told me that they still don’t have my form 137, which is the complete list of all subjects and respective grades all throughout the high school years. I was agape when I heard about that, and all the frustration from that building seemed to have possessed me. ‘Cause,
what the hell? It’s the end of the school year, and you’re telling me that you don’t have my F-137 yet?! She told me that they had already sent the request letter to my old school and didn’t receive any response. So I visited my old school and asked them all about it. They said that they didn’t process anything because there’s a certain amount that should be paid for it. Why didn't they inform us? Hello, there are cellphones, telephones, email. Are you not aware of the word "technology?" So I asked them what I need to do, and how many days it will take to release what I needed, badly needed. Guess what?
2 weeks! It felt like the world crashed into me, or if put into a more creative manner, the Greek Atlas had given me the world and the burden to hold it on my shoulders. Okay, maybe that was a bit exaggerated. But it’s like my whole life is on that simple piece of computer paper, that crap computer paper. I checked the calendar and did a little assumption to when I will finish everything. Let’s see… If I’d request for that crap computer paper tomorrow, I’d probably receive it by the 15th (of April). After that, if I’d be able to go to school on that same day, I could get my credentials on the 29th. Okay, just one day left for the last day of application. Not too bad, right? I might as well die.
It’s not that I need the credentials right away. From what I’ve read on the guidelines, credentials such as Good Moral Character certificate and Honorable Dismissal are only needed if a student is accepted and is given chance to enroll. So I don’t really need them yet, because I’m still not so sure if I’d be able to pass the departmental examinations and interviews and make it to the quota. What I badly – very badly – needed is the copy of grades, and I don’t think I’d get a hand on them immediately. Yes, I have the scholastic reports – the small papers that they mail to our parents – but I assume they are also called class cards. Bad news: “Strictly, class cards are not accepted.” So I don’t have a choice but to submit the grades, which are not available yet. What do I need to do? Tell me, guys. Is it really this hard and complicated? I really want to go to UP. I
badly need to pursue this. I don’t care if I’d mess up with my fate. I know God knows what is good for me, and this is what could challenge and develop my abilities. And that’s good, isn’t it?
I need to pray more, and just keep believing. I’ve been writing it on a random piece of paper. You know, words like,
“Believe and it will live” and
“Never say never.” Maybe Justin Bieber’s songs had influenced me a lot lately. But I also scribbled harsh words like:
“I’m going to die,” and
“I’m stupid, depressed, frustrated, poor (in every way), wrecked and wasted (not the other meaning).” Yes, I become very rude to myself when I’m really depressed and have no one to blame. At least I don’t get to hurt anybody, but not if you consider that random piece of paper and my hideous pen anybody.
My mother just got home, and she’s not too happy about it. Not at all. She’s mad, and when I say mad, it includes pointing the entire fault to everybody and shouting until everyone can hear. I can’t blame her. She has all the point, and I don’t have one. So maybe these are my entire fault, and I’m open to paying for all of these in any possible way just to correct and flatten them out. Oh Great God, I need Your help
so bad.
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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409
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Already several months had passed, and I am missing
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry more and more each fleeting day. There are just some things in life that we can never forget – especially that something that had given us knowledge, skills, strong relationships and a second home. I am glad that everything in the magical world is now at peace, since Voldemort (yes, I can now say his name; no need to be afraid) had died. I had secretly admired Tom Marvolo Riddle (Voldemort’s birth name) though, because of his intelligence, passion and love for magic. Wasn’t he very clever to think of and conjure his seven
Horcruxes to preserve his life, or form a clan of
Death Eaters who were very loyal to him and would give up their lives just for him to succeed? Not everybody can acquire that much loyalty from people these days. I do not, however, admire him for the way he had carried out all of his plans. He had a good agenda, his means just weren’t morally right. But he still is one of the darkest wizards of all time… and let’s leave it that way.
Oh, for all those who are baffled of what I’m saying here and who the heck I am, my name is
Christine Faye Ordas, and I am an alumnus of Hogwarts. I came from the bronze-and-blue-clad house of the smart ass witch Rowena Ravenclaw and her dictum
“Wit beyond measure is a man’s greatest treasure.” And yes, I know the wonderful Luna Lovegood (she’s such a darling) and Harry Potter’s first crush Cho Chang. I had just left Hogwarts last May. Right now I am trying to pursue a career in magical researches, literature and writing. It’s my dream to inscribe intellectual books, publish and sell them in
Flourish and Blotts for the future Hogwarts students’ use. I am also planning to credibly write for the
Daily Prophet, the magical world’s primary news bulletin. And of course, I will be very much honored to contribute to Mr. Xenophilius Lovegood’s
Quibbler (hence, my interest in magical researches). I have always found the Lovegoods a fascinating family, and I bet working with and for them will be very exciting. Or maybe, in Merlin’s beard’s time, I can write legends and bedtime stories like the famous – and wickedly brilliant – Beedle the Bard.
And that’s how my life goes these days. I am utterly missing my old school, my friends, the Great Hall, the bronze eagle knocker just outside the Ravenclaw common room, Professor Flitwick (the head of our house), Hogsmeade, the Quidditch matches (although I didn’t actually play for the house), the moving portraits, the castle ghosts, the pumpkins on Halloween, the giant pine trees on Christmas, Rubeus Hagrid’s (Hogwarts’ gamekeeper) tea and treacle fudge – even the crabby Argus Filch (Hogwarts’ caretaker) I miss. Maybe I can visit the school grounds sometimes and see how the magical world’s been doing since Voldemort died (I’ve been spending my months in the muggle world, you see). I’ve heard everybody’s been moving on and starting all over again; the ministry is back on work under Kingsley Shacklebolt; and Harry Potter’s scar haven’t been disturbing him since.
All is well, indeed.
And because of that, we should celebrate and drink firewhisky! Oh, I still don’t drink firewhisky; I can take butterbeer or tea or pumpkin juice – just not firewhisky, please.
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