I Pushed Too Far
Sunday, May 15, 2011 @ 2:11 PM | 3 comment(s)

I just had my heart broken – again.


I know, it’s really weird and pointless since I haven’t been talking about me falling in love or the horribly familiar butterflies coming back inside my horribly big stomach. I have been mum about my romantic life’s status, and I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry that I’ve been keeping all of these to myself and for not giving you a tiny bit of a hint about my heart’s state. And now that it has been shattered again, I’m running back to you.

Okay, I get it. I’m selfish. I only think about myself. I only remember you when I’m sad or depressed. And when all shits don’t fall into places, I always come running back to you with my heavy shoulders and wet-with-tears pillows. It’s a bad habit, and I’m totally aware of that, but what the fuck, I’m not doing anything about it.

What the fuck, I’m stubborn. What the fuck, I’m stupid. What the fuck, I don’t know where I’m going. What the fuck, I don’t know who I really am. What the fuck, I fucked everything up.


It’s pointless again – how I got my heart “broken” when I know that it really shouldn’t have been. It was a small infatuation, and clearly it wasn’t love. I was happy when he was around. I felt special, but it was merely love from friendship. We were just friends. That’s all we’ll ever be.

And I don’t know why I’m acting like this. I don’t know why my heart busted with pain when I saw what I saw. And what I saw should have been good had it not affected me. I should be happy that he’s happy. That’s what friends are for, isn’t it? I’m his friend. And I have no right to be hurt like this and eventually blame him for this wretched twinge I’m feeling inside. This is insane.

I now believe that infatuations can seriously go “out of hand.” It really can, and my mistake was not guarding my emotions and pushing it too far.

I shouldn’t had look at it beyond the “friendship line.” (c)

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