Absences
The Great God is always there with His open arms.
Have you ever felt like you don’t know what happened, what’s happening, and what will happen in and with your life? Have you ever asked yourself these uncertainties:
“What will I do? Where will I go? What do I want to do? Do I even have a life at all?” I know most of us are dubious of what we are doing right now, most especially to teenagers (who are just starting to discover how complicated life can be). Whether you admit it or not, you also, at times, question yourself if what you’re doing and where you are heading to is good for you. We don’t know if we’re doing the right thing or just wasting our precious, little time.
We all have our doubts; we all have our mistakes; we all have our regrets. When we realize we did the right thing, we celebrate, we are grateful.
We had succeeded. But when it turned out to be the other way around, we blame ourselves, we cry.
We had failed – and unfortunately, it happens every time.
And it happened to me. It is still happening to me. And I know it will happen again. You see, I’ve made a decision. Well, it’s not really a decision yet. I’ve just made up my mind… but I’m still open to alternatives.
I’m out of school. For now. My Plan B – which is about this other school with a slim chance of luck and availability of slots – didn’t go well. Tada, my plans don’t always work. Since I don’t know where to go, I went back to my… room (but I didn’t think of people and rain and how I’m just a drizzle and he’s a hurricane – rubbish and petty matters to fixate myself with). I have to start from scratch again. I reckon I won’t attend college this semester.
Fat chance. My mom suggested that I take short writing, communications or English programs, just so I wouldn’t be stuck here at home and eventually decay like a corpse – not to mention a
fat and lazy corpse. I like the idea, but I don’t know if there’s a damn school or organization or whatever you call it out there that offers the said programs. I actually want to work so I won’t ask Mom for movie and small shopping money. But you see, I can’t work without my mom’s or best friend’s or someone’s company. I’m so lame. I don’t have a life.
If you’d ask me why I’m stressing over this stuff when all of the opportunities – being part of the legacy batch, small population of students, the facilities, the organizations I was into, my ranking, the 1.00 GA I’ve worked for – are laid out for me in the comfort of the school I went to before, it’s because I don’t feel that I like what I’m doing with the course I was taking. I’ve always been indecisive and weird. Not that I hate the school or the students or the faculty. I just want to do what I really want to do, and my mom and I aren’t keen on spending a lot of dime on the fancy expenses the program demands. But now, I don’t know what to really do. I want to be a writer. I want to write and write for a magazine or a newspaper. And in the long run write a book. But history and the humanities also interest me – and arts especially. Sometimes I want to teach kids. Sometimes I want to work behind the cameras, be a researcher or an editor. Sometimes, guess what, I want to be a firefighter or a soldier. Sometimes I just want to watch movies, discover undiscovered phenomena that may contribute to the wellness of mankind (yeah, right), talk to people about their problems (be it serious or trivial), counsel, read books, volunteer on public welfares, blog and read more books.
I want to do everything. I want to learn all the professions this world has. I want to serve my countrymen (how patriotic). I want to do this and do that. I want to be everyone, because maybe I don’t know who I really am.
I am not anybody, so I want to be everybody.
I’ve asked the Big Man all about it. I pray every time I’m confused and in dismay. I pray every night. I’m reading the
New Testament. Maybe He had shown me the answers already but maybe I haven’t seen them yet. I need clarity and purpose in life, because if I won’t have them, I won’t have any future and I’d be forever a burden to my mom. Trust me, I don't ever want that to happen.
But the Great God has plans for me. And I trust Him. I should. If I don’t trust Him, then who’s there to run to? I don’t even trust myself.
God is waiting for me in my future. I’m not sure if that future is bright or muddled, but
I’d embrace everything because He’s there. And everything will be fine.
So if our plans didn’t turn out the way we hope them to be, we can cry, and we can run to Him. And, no doubt,
He’s always there with His open arms.
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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409
Absences
The Great God is always there with His open arms.
Have you ever felt like you don’t know what happened, what’s happening, and what will happen in and with your life? Have you ever asked yourself these uncertainties:
“What will I do? Where will I go? What do I want to do? Do I even have a life at all?” I know most of us are dubious of what we are doing right now, most especially to teenagers (who are just starting to discover how complicated life can be). Whether you admit it or not, you also, at times, question yourself if what you’re doing and where you are heading to is good for you. We don’t know if we’re doing the right thing or just wasting our precious, little time.
We all have our doubts; we all have our mistakes; we all have our regrets. When we realize we did the right thing, we celebrate, we are grateful.
We had succeeded. But when it turned out to be the other way around, we blame ourselves, we cry.
We had failed – and unfortunately, it happens every time.
And it happened to me. It is still happening to me. And I know it will happen again. You see, I’ve made a decision. Well, it’s not really a decision yet. I’ve just made up my mind… but I’m still open to alternatives.
I’m out of school. For now. My Plan B – which is about this other school with a slim chance of luck and availability of slots – didn’t go well. Tada, my plans don’t always work. Since I don’t know where to go, I went back to my… room (but I didn’t think of people and rain and how I’m just a drizzle and he’s a hurricane – rubbish and petty matters to fixate myself with). I have to start from scratch again. I reckon I won’t attend college this semester.
Fat chance. My mom suggested that I take short writing, communications or English programs, just so I wouldn’t be stuck here at home and eventually decay like a corpse – not to mention a
fat and lazy corpse. I like the idea, but I don’t know if there’s a damn school or organization or whatever you call it out there that offers the said programs. I actually want to work so I won’t ask Mom for movie and small shopping money. But you see, I can’t work without my mom’s or best friend’s or someone’s company. I’m so lame. I don’t have a life.
If you’d ask me why I’m stressing over this stuff when all of the opportunities – being part of the legacy batch, small population of students, the facilities, the organizations I was into, my ranking, the 1.00 GA I’ve worked for – are laid out for me in the comfort of the school I went to before, it’s because I don’t feel that I like what I’m doing with the course I was taking. I’ve always been indecisive and weird. Not that I hate the school or the students or the faculty. I just want to do what I really want to do, and my mom and I aren’t keen on spending a lot of dime on the fancy expenses the program demands. But now, I don’t know what to really do. I want to be a writer. I want to write and write for a magazine or a newspaper. And in the long run write a book. But history and the humanities also interest me – and arts especially. Sometimes I want to teach kids. Sometimes I want to work behind the cameras, be a researcher or an editor. Sometimes, guess what, I want to be a firefighter or a soldier. Sometimes I just want to watch movies, discover undiscovered phenomena that may contribute to the wellness of mankind (yeah, right), talk to people about their problems (be it serious or trivial), counsel, read books, volunteer on public welfares, blog and read more books.
I want to do everything. I want to learn all the professions this world has. I want to serve my countrymen (how patriotic). I want to do this and do that. I want to be everyone, because maybe I don’t know who I really am.
I am not anybody, so I want to be everybody.
I’ve asked the Big Man all about it. I pray every time I’m confused and in dismay. I pray every night. I’m reading the
New Testament. Maybe He had shown me the answers already but maybe I haven’t seen them yet. I need clarity and purpose in life, because if I won’t have them, I won’t have any future and I’d be forever a burden to my mom. Trust me, I don't ever want that to happen.
But the Great God has plans for me. And I trust Him. I should. If I don’t trust Him, then who’s there to run to? I don’t even trust myself.
God is waiting for me in my future. I’m not sure if that future is bright or muddled, but
I’d embrace everything because He’s there. And everything will be fine.
So if our plans didn’t turn out the way we hope them to be, we can cry, and we can run to Him. And, no doubt,
He’s always there with His open arms.
← older / top / newer →
a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409
Profile
Already several months had passed, and I am missing
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry more and more each fleeting day. There are just some things in life that we can never forget – especially that something that had given us knowledge, skills, strong relationships and a second home. I am glad that everything in the magical world is now at peace, since Voldemort (yes, I can now say his name; no need to be afraid) had died. I had secretly admired Tom Marvolo Riddle (Voldemort’s birth name) though, because of his intelligence, passion and love for magic. Wasn’t he very clever to think of and conjure his seven
Horcruxes to preserve his life, or form a clan of
Death Eaters who were very loyal to him and would give up their lives just for him to succeed? Not everybody can acquire that much loyalty from people these days. I do not, however, admire him for the way he had carried out all of his plans. He had a good agenda, his means just weren’t morally right. But he still is one of the darkest wizards of all time… and let’s leave it that way.
Oh, for all those who are baffled of what I’m saying here and who the heck I am, my name is
Christine Faye Ordas, and I am an alumnus of Hogwarts. I came from the bronze-and-blue-clad house of the smart ass witch Rowena Ravenclaw and her dictum
“Wit beyond measure is a man’s greatest treasure.” And yes, I know the wonderful Luna Lovegood (she’s such a darling) and Harry Potter’s first crush Cho Chang. I had just left Hogwarts last May. Right now I am trying to pursue a career in magical researches, literature and writing. It’s my dream to inscribe intellectual books, publish and sell them in
Flourish and Blotts for the future Hogwarts students’ use. I am also planning to credibly write for the
Daily Prophet, the magical world’s primary news bulletin. And of course, I will be very much honored to contribute to Mr. Xenophilius Lovegood’s
Quibbler (hence, my interest in magical researches). I have always found the Lovegoods a fascinating family, and I bet working with and for them will be very exciting. Or maybe, in Merlin’s beard’s time, I can write legends and bedtime stories like the famous – and wickedly brilliant – Beedle the Bard.
And that’s how my life goes these days. I am utterly missing my old school, my friends, the Great Hall, the bronze eagle knocker just outside the Ravenclaw common room, Professor Flitwick (the head of our house), Hogsmeade, the Quidditch matches (although I didn’t actually play for the house), the moving portraits, the castle ghosts, the pumpkins on Halloween, the giant pine trees on Christmas, Rubeus Hagrid’s (Hogwarts’ gamekeeper) tea and treacle fudge – even the crabby Argus Filch (Hogwarts’ caretaker) I miss. Maybe I can visit the school grounds sometimes and see how the magical world’s been doing since Voldemort died (I’ve been spending my months in the muggle world, you see). I’ve heard everybody’s been moving on and starting all over again; the ministry is back on work under Kingsley Shacklebolt; and Harry Potter’s scar haven’t been disturbing him since.
All is well, indeed.
And because of that, we should celebrate and drink firewhisky! Oh, I still don’t drink firewhisky; I can take butterbeer or tea or pumpkin juice – just not firewhisky, please.
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