FMLL
FMLL – acronym,
Fuck My Love Life; originated from FML (
Fuck My Life)
I have the most complicated love life next to the cows and the sheep. Ever since I became newly single (which was three years ago or something), I never had gotten the time and/or the
enthusiasm to date someone other than Patch Cipriano and Will Herondale. I don’t know, maybe I’m just too busy, maybe I don’t give a darn about counting exes, maybe I realized I’m not ready yet. Whatever.
But since I’ve declared that my love life is complicated that even great Mathematicians couldn’t comprehend, I do have some crazy moments within those three years. One of them was my undeniable affection for Great Crush, which ran for almost two years. Yes, the Great Crush phenomenon is now a thing of the past. I can finally avow that I’ve moved on (shit) and don’t like him that much anymore (shittier). After some unfair character analysis executed through social media, I had realized that his personality isn’t what I’m looking for. I don’t like how such a show-off he is, and it’s weird since I’ve been so proud to blog about his humility amidst his mountain-high accomplishments, but lately his Facebook profile has been flooded with nonsensical status updates that kinda annoyed me. He’s too clingy with his online persona that there is what we call a “communication implosion” already. He updates his status every minute, broadcasting what he ate and where he was. I know there’s freedom of speech, but what the hell, his level of freedom is just a toe away from becoming a freedom of
boasting.
I’m sorry, Great Crush (GC), but that’s how you look in my eyes right now. It’s not your responsibility to change my perceptions because that’s my choice, but remember that you’re still awesome. Maybe when I see you again my feelings will come back (and who cares), but until then, just stay awesome.
And so the Crush Throne is now empty…
not.
I have a new crush… and HOLY FUCK THIS SHOULDN’T BE HAPPENING I SHOULDN’T LIKE HIM IT’S TOO AWKWARD FOR THE BOTH OF US AND PLEASE SPARE HIM THE SHAME.
Just like my drama with GC during the first months, I’m also confused with my feelings for Weird Crush (yes, I like giving nicknames). I shouldn’t like him because it’s not good to look at, even though he wouldn’t know and others don’t know and the society doesn’t care. I shouldn’t like him because we aren’t even close friends to begin with – I’m not even sure if we’re
actually friends! (We haven’t established that idea yet.) I shouldn’t like him because it’ll look like he’s a rebound from GC, that I’m just using him to forget about the latter. (What the hell, I sound like I just stepped out of
Gossip Girl.) Anyway, I won’t be giving much information about WC because he kinda visits this blog and it’ll be so obvious and everyone will be a genius and guess who he really is.
But I just want to say something about WC. I have no idea how I come to like or admire him. I’ve shared some classes with him but I didn’t feel a single thing. And then there was this school activity that required us to spend more time together (and everyone else), and I guess that was where it began. I’ve always found him smart and creative and witty, but spending time with him opened my eyes to something more. What’s crazy is that I’ve been battling with my attraction for him for quite some time already (because I just
don’t want to like him) but there was this one thing he did that made me lose my fragile defenses. That one gesture tugged at my heartstrings and kept me awake all night. AND IT’S SO SHALLOW SINCE THE GESTURE WAS ORIGINALLY MADE TO ANNOY/MOCK ME, BUT IT WAS JUST SO CUTE THAT THE ANNOYING/MOCKING PART WAS EASILY DISREGARDED. And that’s when this confusion started.
I don’t really know if I like him, and I hope I don’t, because if I do I’ll be too obvious. The people around me aren’t stupid (they’re actually overtly
malicious); they can put two and two together (or not), and when this teeny-shitty feelings for him spread like wildfire, I won’t have a face to show anymore – which will lead me to becoming a hermit or a wrestling superstar. I don’t want to like him because the people around us are kinda judgmental about these things, like it’s a taboo to like a common friend. It’s so sad. But then again, with or without social dilemma, I
cannot like him.
I can take risk in any other field of my freakin’ life, but matters of the heart scare me.
I know it will just hurt.
Happy Valentine’s Day? FMLL. (
The perfect song.)
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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409
FMLL
FMLL – acronym,
Fuck My Love Life; originated from FML (
Fuck My Life)
I have the most complicated love life next to the cows and the sheep. Ever since I became newly single (which was three years ago or something), I never had gotten the time and/or the
enthusiasm to date someone other than Patch Cipriano and Will Herondale. I don’t know, maybe I’m just too busy, maybe I don’t give a darn about counting exes, maybe I realized I’m not ready yet. Whatever.
But since I’ve declared that my love life is complicated that even great Mathematicians couldn’t comprehend, I do have some crazy moments within those three years. One of them was my undeniable affection for Great Crush, which ran for almost two years. Yes, the Great Crush phenomenon is now a thing of the past. I can finally avow that I’ve moved on (shit) and don’t like him that much anymore (shittier). After some unfair character analysis executed through social media, I had realized that his personality isn’t what I’m looking for. I don’t like how such a show-off he is, and it’s weird since I’ve been so proud to blog about his humility amidst his mountain-high accomplishments, but lately his Facebook profile has been flooded with nonsensical status updates that kinda annoyed me. He’s too clingy with his online persona that there is what we call a “communication implosion” already. He updates his status every minute, broadcasting what he ate and where he was. I know there’s freedom of speech, but what the hell, his level of freedom is just a toe away from becoming a freedom of
boasting.
I’m sorry, Great Crush (GC), but that’s how you look in my eyes right now. It’s not your responsibility to change my perceptions because that’s my choice, but remember that you’re still awesome. Maybe when I see you again my feelings will come back (and who cares), but until then, just stay awesome.
And so the Crush Throne is now empty…
not.
I have a new crush… and HOLY FUCK THIS SHOULDN’T BE HAPPENING I SHOULDN’T LIKE HIM IT’S TOO AWKWARD FOR THE BOTH OF US AND PLEASE SPARE HIM THE SHAME.
Just like my drama with GC during the first months, I’m also confused with my feelings for Weird Crush (yes, I like giving nicknames). I shouldn’t like him because it’s not good to look at, even though he wouldn’t know and others don’t know and the society doesn’t care. I shouldn’t like him because we aren’t even close friends to begin with – I’m not even sure if we’re
actually friends! (We haven’t established that idea yet.) I shouldn’t like him because it’ll look like he’s a rebound from GC, that I’m just using him to forget about the latter. (What the hell, I sound like I just stepped out of
Gossip Girl.) Anyway, I won’t be giving much information about WC because he kinda visits this blog and it’ll be so obvious and everyone will be a genius and guess who he really is.
But I just want to say something about WC. I have no idea how I come to like or admire him. I’ve shared some classes with him but I didn’t feel a single thing. And then there was this school activity that required us to spend more time together (and everyone else), and I guess that was where it began. I’ve always found him smart and creative and witty, but spending time with him opened my eyes to something more. What’s crazy is that I’ve been battling with my attraction for him for quite some time already (because I just
don’t want to like him) but there was this one thing he did that made me lose my fragile defenses. That one gesture tugged at my heartstrings and kept me awake all night. AND IT’S SO SHALLOW SINCE THE GESTURE WAS ORIGINALLY MADE TO ANNOY/MOCK ME, BUT IT WAS JUST SO CUTE THAT THE ANNOYING/MOCKING PART WAS EASILY DISREGARDED. And that’s when this confusion started.
I don’t really know if I like him, and I hope I don’t, because if I do I’ll be too obvious. The people around me aren’t stupid (they’re actually overtly
malicious); they can put two and two together (or not), and when this teeny-shitty feelings for him spread like wildfire, I won’t have a face to show anymore – which will lead me to becoming a hermit or a wrestling superstar. I don’t want to like him because the people around us are kinda judgmental about these things, like it’s a taboo to like a common friend. It’s so sad. But then again, with or without social dilemma, I
cannot like him.
I can take risk in any other field of my freakin’ life, but matters of the heart scare me.
I know it will just hurt.
Happy Valentine’s Day? FMLL. (
The perfect song.)
← older / top / newer →
a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409
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Already several months had passed, and I am missing
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry more and more each fleeting day. There are just some things in life that we can never forget – especially that something that had given us knowledge, skills, strong relationships and a second home. I am glad that everything in the magical world is now at peace, since Voldemort (yes, I can now say his name; no need to be afraid) had died. I had secretly admired Tom Marvolo Riddle (Voldemort’s birth name) though, because of his intelligence, passion and love for magic. Wasn’t he very clever to think of and conjure his seven
Horcruxes to preserve his life, or form a clan of
Death Eaters who were very loyal to him and would give up their lives just for him to succeed? Not everybody can acquire that much loyalty from people these days. I do not, however, admire him for the way he had carried out all of his plans. He had a good agenda, his means just weren’t morally right. But he still is one of the darkest wizards of all time… and let’s leave it that way.
Oh, for all those who are baffled of what I’m saying here and who the heck I am, my name is
Christine Faye Ordas, and I am an alumnus of Hogwarts. I came from the bronze-and-blue-clad house of the smart ass witch Rowena Ravenclaw and her dictum
“Wit beyond measure is a man’s greatest treasure.” And yes, I know the wonderful Luna Lovegood (she’s such a darling) and Harry Potter’s first crush Cho Chang. I had just left Hogwarts last May. Right now I am trying to pursue a career in magical researches, literature and writing. It’s my dream to inscribe intellectual books, publish and sell them in
Flourish and Blotts for the future Hogwarts students’ use. I am also planning to credibly write for the
Daily Prophet, the magical world’s primary news bulletin. And of course, I will be very much honored to contribute to Mr. Xenophilius Lovegood’s
Quibbler (hence, my interest in magical researches). I have always found the Lovegoods a fascinating family, and I bet working with and for them will be very exciting. Or maybe, in Merlin’s beard’s time, I can write legends and bedtime stories like the famous – and wickedly brilliant – Beedle the Bard.
And that’s how my life goes these days. I am utterly missing my old school, my friends, the Great Hall, the bronze eagle knocker just outside the Ravenclaw common room, Professor Flitwick (the head of our house), Hogsmeade, the Quidditch matches (although I didn’t actually play for the house), the moving portraits, the castle ghosts, the pumpkins on Halloween, the giant pine trees on Christmas, Rubeus Hagrid’s (Hogwarts’ gamekeeper) tea and treacle fudge – even the crabby Argus Filch (Hogwarts’ caretaker) I miss. Maybe I can visit the school grounds sometimes and see how the magical world’s been doing since Voldemort died (I’ve been spending my months in the muggle world, you see). I’ve heard everybody’s been moving on and starting all over again; the ministry is back on work under Kingsley Shacklebolt; and Harry Potter’s scar haven’t been disturbing him since.
All is well, indeed.
And because of that, we should celebrate and drink firewhisky! Oh, I still don’t drink firewhisky; I can take butterbeer or tea or pumpkin juice – just not firewhisky, please.
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