Hello, It’s Me
Saturday, January 02, 2016 @ 12:23 PM | 0 comment(s)

Dear blog/self/non-existent readers:


It has been so long since I blogged. More than six months of not-writing makes me feel weird and out-of-loop about this. I’m not even sure if I can still write. It’s sad. It’s pathetic. But I will try my best. (This is very sad. I won several writing awards back in school and spearheaded the whole 2014-2015 issue of our college paper. Writing should be second nature to me. But now I am in the dark – literally in the dark: I am writing this in my unlit room.)

Adulthood made me like this. I’d like to think that I’ve adjusted pretty well with being a working adult and going to the office to earn money, but the truth is I haven’t. Yes, I haven’t thought of quitting yet, but being an adult took the silly, fun-loving, creative side out of me. I lost time; I lost interest in things. My brain is still overthinking like fuck, and every night I still get torrents of ideas and thoughts that are blog-worthy but I don’t do anything about them because I am a sad and tired human being. I also get distracted easily. I’m losing the fervent amour I used to feel towards writing and sharing stories and basically blabbing on the Internet. It scares me. (Don’t get me wrong: I’m grateful for the opportunity of having a job, but sometimes I just want a timeout. I guess that’s not too bad and too much to ask.) I don’t want to lose this love. So now I came up with a solution to this uncalled-for dilemma: I am going old school. I will start a journal where I can write about every spontaneous thoughts, small or big, spontaneously. My friend gifted me a journal for Christmas (actually I requested for it), and I swear to God I will write on it as much as I can. And when I come up with something interesting enough to blog, I will.


So now that we have that out of the way, I will give some updates on my life in the past year (also known as “Random Shit Thoughts”) even though nobody cares because I am that type of person:

My reading is slow, but I still read. I set thirty reads last year, and thank goodness I surpassed that goal. I would legit hate myself if I didn’t achieved that. Overall I’ve read 32 novels this year, and one little black Penguin Classics book (No. 57: How Much Land Does a Man Need? by Leo Tolstoy). I am happy about these numbers. The best novels I’ve read last year are Mosquitoland (David Arnold); I’ll Give You the Sun (Jandy Nelson); Where’d You Go, Bernadette (Maria Semple); The Girl On the Train (Paula Hawkins); All the Bright Places (Jennifer Niven); and Red Queen (Victoria Aveyard).

I am so into Years & Years and the fandom basically swallowed me whole. I de-stress from work by fangirling over music. And my 2015, without a doubt, was dominated by Years & Years. But instead of feeling a sense of calmness every time I do my job as a Philippine Street Team member, I get very emotional. Just looking at the faces of the band members gives me feelings that make me want to cry; their interviews never fail to wreck me; and by the time I listen to their music, I am in a state of emotional coma. And I love everything about it! I love the fandom I become Internet-friends with! I hope this year will be our year to shine and be kings and be gold and experience Years & Years live! Oh my God my feels!

I’ve listened to so many artists last 2015 and I am very proud of myself. I am so in love with the artists on my playlist that I want to shove their music into every person I meet. A friend from the Years & Years fandom said that she loves my taste in music (and books), and it was basically the best compliment I have ever received. I cannot sing without embarrassing myself nor can I play any instruments, so my scary enthusiasm for discovering great artists and great music is my self-proclaimed skill/talent. Someday I will work for a recording company where I’ll listen to music all day and pitch in artists who deserve to be produced, and then be friends with these artists. This is what I call hashtag Goals As Fuck.

I’ve gained some non-Internet friends. Working exposed me to people I normally clam up when around. I learned to start relationships and forge (wow big word) friendships. I have “families” in the office that I’ve grown very attached to it’s scary. I learned to adjust to the different personalities of my colleagues, and haven’t made enemies yet (not that I will; I am passive-aggressive – allegedly). I haven’t lost my mind or had a panic attack in public so that’s a plus. I hope in time I will learn who are worth keeping. (I’m not a squad-friends kind: I just have small number of friends that I genuinely like. I have two best friends I love very much I can’t imagine losing. What am I even talking about.)

I still have time to be alone, so I guess that’s good. I seldom go out on weekends because I always choose to stay at home and rest my fucking fragile body. Being surrounded with people every day sometimes exhausts me, so Rest Day Me Times are important. I usually just read, watch movies/series and sleep all day in bed. It is fucking paradise.


So I guess that’s it. This 2016, I promise to rekindle romance with writing and other hobbies I left behind because of adulthood. Every day I will try to be good to myself and the people around me. And write Random Shit Thoughts on my journal that I’ve just now decided to name Finch (after the sad, dark, brilliant character from All the Bright Places).

(If there’s one thing that hasn’t changed, it’s how lame my closing paragraphs are.)

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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409