Sardonic Twists
Sunday, March 11, 2012 @ 5:24 PM | 0 comment(s)

Something’s wrong with me. A lot of things are wrong with me. I don’t know why I’m – artistically – degrading myself right now. I should feel good. I should be optimistic. I should be confident about myself. But I just can’t at the moment. Screw myself.

Even writing a good post for this blog is taking a long and a hard time for me. I don’t feel good, really. I want to be happy. I was happy last night, drinking, singing like nobody’s listening when all the time there were people around me, not being the usual me but apparently acting what I truly am inside. Maybe this is one of the effects of the awesome novel I just finished reading. Now I’m gradually becoming happy, a smile creeping on the side of my mouth, waiting only for that one special idea and feeling to be able to smile completely and wide enough to show my big teeth and pink gums.

Apparently, books make me happy. Right now, my happiness level just shot up 25% after writing the words, “the awesome novel I just finished reading”. And thinking about that book shot another 5% of happiness. The book, for my curious readers, is entitled Paper Towns, written by officially-one-of-my-favorite-authors John Green. I might be writing a review about it (I hope this will happen). It’s such a good and funny book that I had the always-occurring feeling of jumping inside the pages (like what Harry Potter did with Tom Riddle’s diary – geez, Lord Voldemort had a diary) and becoming one of Quentin Jacobsen’s friends. Thinking about it now, I’m already mentally creating my IM username that is as funny as theirs, and deciding if I should join their wearing-nothing-but-togas-on-graduation diabolical plan.


And now another 5% shot up. Wow, this is good. Maybe after this post and after hearing mass, my happiness level will be completely full. This is really good, knowing that in just thirty minutes, I can shift my mood from an opposite side to another. But it will be better if I can at least write something worthy of reading and learning.


Anyway, I saw this ad in Philippine Daily Inquirer once. It’s about their staff needing student writers, photographers and artists for this summer. It was such a good idea that I automatically turned on the secret ninja inside me and tried to not show that I was ripping off that particular page from the library’s newspaper. I always do that – secretly ripping off pages – every time I read something good from the news. I’ve learned that we can’t do it, that it wasn’t allowed, but I did. I was careful enough not to make any tearing noise and show that I was suddenly pocketing a page from nowhere. I was also careful to not leave any debris from the page where I made the ripping (geez, “the ripping” doesn’t sound good). I had first done it when I saw this ad from Garage Magazine featuring Elmo Magalona and Sam Concepcion. Do I need to say why?


I was so scared when I first did it, but I got the page and wasn’t caught so I did it again. I’m such a motivated kid. The second ripping incident happened because of this interview with A+ Dropouts, Forever the Sickest Kids and The Ready Set for their mall tour, LIVE 5, alongside other punk-rock bands, The Summer Set (which I love, love, love) and A Rocket to the Moon. I saw them, by the way. But I didn’t have tickets because: 1) I don’t have the moolah for it; and 2) why would I? I watched from a distant but still saw them like they’re so close to me, like standing twenty to thirty feet in front of me (but in my case, I was way taller than all of them – watching on the second floor), but not close enough to say that they’re sleeping beside me. I didn’t take photos because I’m bad at that career. The following photos are from (x), (xo):


Because of excitement, I forgot to write about the real idea behind the ad for summer student writers (from secretly tearing pages to LIVE 5 – such turn of events; my attention span: bad). I’m trying my luck. I’m taking a shot. Now I’m scanning Wings for some acceptable works that I can submit to their office. I’m so scared. I’m really nervous about it. I hope I get accepted. I hope I make it before the submission deadline.


This is weird. From being unhappy, to becoming my bookish self, to ripping pages, to LIVE 5, to summer job, my mood swings are indeed so unpredictable that even a palm and/or fortune reader won’t be able to tell me its future. Now I feel good.

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a woeful & chaotic diary since 071409